Fixating

I've recently begun the practice of fixed-hour prayer, after reading the book The Shaping of a Life by Phyllis Tickle. I actually disagree with Mrs. Tickle on many points, but she's an engaging writer.

 

The practice of fixed-hour prayer is very old: elements of it can be found in ancient Judaism, as well as in early church practices. The basic idea is of praying at specific ("fixed") hours. The standard ones are traditionally:

 

Matins--traditionally midnight, but often anytime before dawn. Lauds is often added into Matins

Lauds-sunrise

Prime-6am

Terce-9am

Sext-noon

Nones-3pm

Vespers-sunset

Compline--before retiring, usually around 9pm

 

Obviously, most working adults will be unable to say all of these, so the strict observance is usually only for monastic orders; however, many lay people have found ways to say many of the fixed hour prayers (also called the Divine Offices) Phyllis Tickle's books, The Divine Hours, are a set of books of fixed hour prayers/offices that are arranged to be useable by the ordinary Christian. The day consists of 4 offices:

 

Morning Office--on the hour or half hour between 6 and 9 am

Midday Office--on the hour or half hour between 11am and 2pm

Vespers--on the hour or half hour between 5pm and 8pm

Compline--just before retiring for the night

 

I've only been praying these for a couple of days, and I don't always get every office in (I haven't done Vespers for a few days now, just due to schedule issues) but it seems to be a good thing. I've never been good at just sitting down to pray--I talk to God quite a bit during the day, but very little of it is structured for worshipful prayer in any way. This method or praying seems to be working well.

 

We shall see!

Hmmm.....

I need to re-read Dune. That's just a darned good book, even if it turns out to be evil. Wonder where my copy is.......

 

Jim Harrington, gosh darn it, you need to finish writing the Tara story.

Best quote from an author's blog today

"I am a closet anarchist. (That is, I believe in lawlessness for wardrobes.)"

 

From the archives of the inimitable John Wright at http://johncwright.livejournal.com This has become one of my favorite blogs to read.

 

You learn something new everyday...

...for instance, today I learned that my co-worker can do a killer Marvin the Martian impersonation.

 

My new favorite blog

http://johncwright.livejournal.com/

 

This guy is great. Here's a sample:

 

"But I do not think men and women are equal insofar as they are both equally masculine and feminine. I do not think man and wife are equal in marriage: the man should lead the household, and the woman should rule it. The man should make the decisions and the woman should domesticate the man so that he makes the right decisions. The woman's task is to civilize the hairy barbarians of bachelorhood into fine upstanding young breadwinners: this is preliminary to her assuming the role of motherhood, and good practice for it.

I wear the pants in my family. It is just that, in my family, my wife picks them out."

 

He has stuff on every topic; go read!

 

Ugh

I hate having a sore throat. It's just annoying. It's all itchy and achy and makes it hard to talk. Blergh.

 

How Much of a Church Geek Are You?

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http://www.scriptoriumdaily.com/2007/05/25/college-graduation-ten-things-i-wished-i-had-known/

 

The link above is to a post by one of my favorite teachers, Dr. John Mark Reynolds. "College Graduation: Ten Things I Wish I Had Known". I've been thinking graduation/growing up thoughts lately, after attending the Torrey graduation on Friday. Dr. Reynolds thoughts in this blog post seem good to me, so I'm going to see how I'm doing in these ten areas (Reynolds' comments in italics):

 

1. Friends matter. Don’t move around without considering the value of the community you have already made.

Doing ok on this one, I think. I still have friends from freshman year, and have been at the same church for...wow, 7 years in October! That's the main reason I've never considered moving; I love being around my friends here Not that moving is inherently bad--but maybe people in my age-range and culture move around a little too much.

2. Work is good. Get that first “bad job” and read the manager’s manuals. Figure out how your company operates. Suck even your low level retail job dry of information. Credit cards are mostly bad. Don’t borrow money except for a house or more education.

Doing alright on this one too, I guess. My job is good (for me--not for my pocketbook!) Have definately learned a lot. Still very much in debt, but it's almost all for health and education, so not too bad.

3. Don’t live for weekends, they are only 2/7 of the week. If your life is that bad, time for changes. Travel as much as you can in light of duty and sacrifice. (This is a great chance to go someplace and do hard labor for the poor with some friends.)

Well, I do love my weekends....but I don't know that I live for them. I do a lot during the week as well. I'm getting better about doing some traveling--I don't have the money to go far, but I'm having fun taking little day trips: last Saturday, up to Idyllwild! Got to go into a lot of little shops, talk to some interesting people!

4. If you are bored, pretty much ever, there is something wrong. We live in the most fascinating culture of all time with almost unlimited chances and choices. Perhaps you are only living for self and not for a cause bigger than you are? I know, I know. It sounds Commencement-y, but you cannot be happy living only for self.

I do still get bored sometimes, but not much. I usually have a book to pick up, or a painting to do. Never really had much trouble with entertaining myself.

5. Time to stop playing (very much) with toys. Growing up means (partly) finding your pleasures not in bigger toys, but in a life well lived. Have kids (don’t wait past your twenties if you can) and play with toys again as a matter of duty!

Hmmm, think I'm ok there. I only play one video game (Guitar Hero II!!!!) and even that not very much.

6. Getting married is good, but being single is also good. Let the people in your life who know you well (parents, pastor, friends) speak into your life to let you know when you are “ready.”

I think I've already pretty much answered this question in my life. I don't think I'm meant for marriage, and mostly I'm ok with that. My priest agrees with me, and most of the people I've talked to are very supportive. Yay!

7. You are an adult. You don’t have to prove it by disregarding every piece of advice older people give you. (Read the story of Rehoboam in the Bible.) Side line: do read the Bible daily. It is a good habit. Try reading a Bible like the King James version that will expand your vocabulary and sentence structure, not dumb itself down for you. Read a translation and not a paraphrase. The best modern version is the ESV.

I think I do ok with taking advice from my elders. Not great--I've never been great at taking advice--but I do have people I listen to who are older and wiser. Dr. Reynolds, in fact, is one of them.

Unfortunately, not doing great on reading the Bible daily. Never have been. Getting better at praying structured prayers everyday though, so progress is possible!

8. My being “happy” is not worth making someone else miserable. Your forty-something self will have to live with the scars you place on your soul now.

Hmmmm...well, in some ways I'm doing pretty good with this one, but I know my cluttered room is causing my roommate stress, and I need to work on that.  

9. Television? Media? Canned music? Try to get no more than an hour a day of the stuff. Read, read, read. (The difference between reading good stuff linked to on our home page or some other leader’s site and watching endless you-tube videos is one of the differences between shepherds and sheep.)

Eep. Not doing so good on this one. I don't watch THAT much TV (mostly just Mythbusters and Invader Zim--What Not to Wear once a week or so). But I don't much care for YouTube, or other things of that nature, and I'm usually reading several books (at the moment, Frank Capra's autobiography, the letters of St. Therese of Lisieux, and Eclipse of the Sun by Michael D. O'Brien. Trying to start the Ring of the Niebelung)

Even though I watch more TV than I would like, I still read more than most people I know. I've been reading a lot of fluff lately, so I need to up the ante a little.

10. Go to church every Sunday and participate. Join a small group there and discuss a great book. Church is a “free” way to find community, join a cause bigger than self, and find a moral system that you cannot just discard when it is convenient. Join a church with many older people in it (as long as they have a lively faith). Look for a pastor who is at least thirty years older (not close to your age). This seems like strange advice, but most of us are too peer dependent and need to be with (and hear) the ideas of older and wiser folk. Avoid the church of “what’s happening now.” You can get that from television. Find a place with a doctrinal statement with some teeth. If you don’t have to believe anything much to join, then there is nothing to argue about! Dialectical growth comes from pushing against hard and bright lines.

Ah, now this I've been doing for a while now. I love my church! I usually make it to two Masses a week, plus Compline (a beautiful service!) and spiritual direction group. I've also been a part of the church's writing group (now in hiatus) and still participate in the reading group (we read everything from Dante to Sayers to P.D. James.)

 

So all in alll.....I've got a lot to work on. Sigh. But then, what's new about that?

What is happening to me?

First, last weekend, I start liking Joni Mitchell; I'd always sort of thought of her as a random hippie-person, singing nonsense. Then I heard the song River, and decided to buy one of her CDs. I did, and loved it.

 

Second: I've always been annoyed by Bob Dylan. His voice just grates on me, and I never could make sense of out the few lyrics of his songs that I'd heard. But then I bought the Lady in the Water soundtrack, which had covers of 2 songs: The Times They Are a-Changin', and Every Grain of Sand. I found both of them to be moving and profound; so I broke down and finally bought a CD of Dylan's. I listened to the first few tracks last night, and darn it all, I really liked that one, too!

 

What the heck is going on here?

Weird dream

So last night I dreamed I was in Rome with my co-worker Cindy. We were wandering around, enjoying the sights or something, and then there was this little room, with lots of kids in it. I knew that the Pope was due to arrive soon, so we decided to wait and see him. Sure enough, he showed up, and started talking with all the kids.

 

Sadly, I got shy and started drawing a picture with crayons instead of going over and meeting him.

 

Dang it! I'm such a coward! You'd think I'd at least have the courage to go meet a DREAM of the Pope, right? Yeesh!

 

Yeah, it was a weird dream.

Best Quote of the day

From http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal  Neil Gaiman's online journal:

 

"These days, as a middle-aged and respectable author, I still feel a sense of indeterminate but infinite possibility on entering a lift, particularly a small one with white walls. That to date the doors that have opened have always done so in the same time, and world, and even the same building in which I started out seems merely fortuitous – evidence only of a lack of imagination on the part of the rest of the universe."

 

 

iPod shuffle meme: taken from the 'net

Rules: set your iPod or media player of choice to shuffle and answer each question with the song that comes up! Then repost the answers in a note of your own. No Cheating!

Click on the song titles to see the lyrics.



What do your friends think about you:

And So It Goes (Billy Joel)

Hmmm....interesting...I don't know that I'd mind that...but it seems like it'd be more a theme song for me, rather than others' perception of me. Oh well. I love the song anyway.



What do you dream about:

Everywhere I Go (Five Iron Frenzy)

Ha! For some reason this cracks me up. I dream about a love song made popular by Amy Grant, redone as ska by FIF? Cool. On a more serious note, if you take the words to the song, and the way I always interpreted them(spiritual allegory)....hmmm. Interesting.



What's the theme song to your life:

Million Pieces (Newsboys)

Again, hmmmm, interesting.



What was your high school like:

Walk Through the Fire (Once More With Feeling, from the Buffy Episode)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So true!!!!!!!! Mot applicable line from the song: "These endless days are finally ending in a blaze!"



How do you feel right now:

I'm Waiting For You (Michael W. Smith)

Hmmm. For one thing, it's weird so many Christian songs are coming up on mine, I actually listen to very few Christian artists.

But this one....does seem to fit my thoughts lately...


When you get older your life will be:

Listen to Your Heart--dance mix (DHT)

Well, that doesn't exactly bode well for my love life, does it?


Your angry song is:

No Rain (Blind Melon)

WTH???? I love the song, but...angry? I knew my emotions were all screwed up but this is ridiculous! :)


Your love song is:

I Lost On Jeopardy (Weird Al)

Yep. I'm completely screwed up. :P


Your happy song is:

Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard (Paul Simon)

I'm really getting worried now..... *whimpers in corner*


How you feel about your boyfriend/ girlfriend:

Rock Around the Clock (Bill Hawley and the Smoots--500 respect points for the reference)

I don't even HAVE a boyfriend, but if I did, I would hope we would want to rock around the clock to some good Oldies.


What your bf/gf [husband] thinks about you:

The Dark Night of the Soul (Loreena McKennitt)

Hmmm......Again, given my thoughts these past few months, this is...interesting.


What your style says about you:

Go and Sin No More (Rebecca St. James)

Um................................No comment.


How is your love life:

Summer Nights (Grease soundtrack)

My music lies! It lies! *smashes Yahoo music player*


Seriously though, that was funny...now to pass it on!

Tagging: Liz, Anne, Andrea, Marcy, and Miriam! Please post a comment on my blog when you've responded.

Sweet!

After taking an online test for reading speed, it looks like I read 600-650 words per minute (average reading speed is 200-250wpm). I bet when I'm really into my groove (which takes about 3 minutes) I'm reading even faster.

 

That makes me very happy!

Happy happy happy day!!

Pan's Labyrinth came out on DVD yesterday!!!!!!!! I think I'll make a stop by the store on my way home.....

Computer help?

Actually, I need help buying a computer. I want a Mac laptop, but I don't want to pay for a new one. Here's my question:

 

Should I try to get one from eBay? Or other online sites for used computers? Or would that just be a really bad idea?

 

Thoughts on a Sabbatical....

Technically, the sabbatical mentioned here is the one that my parish priest is on right now (thanks be to God! He knows the good father needs a break!) but I have been thinking about some things recently.

First off, this article. I think my dad had me read it when a beloved pastor was attacked when I was in high school (still working on completely forgiving those in our church who did that to him). I highly recommend it; I'm not sure I would have believed that there were such people in the church until I saw them in action myself.

After seeing what happened in that church, I determined that I wanted to fight the CKs whereever they tried to do that sort of thing again. I wanted to do whatever I could to encourage pastors and clergy members; while one compliment or encouragement may not count for much, it is at least something.

I don't know if it works. I do what I can to encourage the priests in my church, but I have no idea if it's effective. I don't know that that matters; every little drop in the bucket helps. I don't know if my parish has any active "clergy killers"-- it's likely, but I certainly don't want to know who they are. But I do know that modern society is not friendly to pastors these days. To cite the previous article, :

"There is a general distrust of authority figures of any kind. There is biblical and theological illiteracy in the pews. This means parishioners do not understand God's purposes, and the dynamics of spiritual leadership. There is a general sense of entitlement growing in the church, in which church members feel entitled to comfort and privilege. And if a pastor does not please them, they are free to criticize and punish. There is a growing business mentality in the church, which says that if the CEO (pastor) does not produce, he should be fired. There is mobility among parishioners. This means they feel little loyalty to the "peace and unity of the church." For they will soon move on, without having to deal with the consequences of their irresponsible behavior. And, as has been mentioned, we are not training pastors to handle conflict, nor support themselves in survival situations."

God have mercy on us.

Reason #508 why I love my job

The Big Boss just came by and handed me a rubber chicken keychain, and said, "I thought this looked like something you would enjoy!"

 

The Quotable Roommates:

(this conversation is probably only funny if you've been playing GuitarHeroII for two weeks)

Liz: I still have a set and a half before the final encore on this level....

Joi: Ha! And then you have to play Freebird!

Liz: No! I don't want to think about Freebird! I want butterflies! Butterflies! *flaps arms*

Joi: And then the Freebird will sweep down out of the sky, snatch your butterflies up, and EAT THEM!

Liz: *sings* And the Freebird comes in the NIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Shamelessly stolen from the Kurt Jester's blog...

- Go to IMDB.com and look up 10 of your favourite movies.
- Post five (5) official IMDB "Plot Keywords" for these 10 picks.
- Have your friends guess the movie titles.
- Then tag three people

In random order...

1. Peril / Famous Score / Christ Figure / Undead / Melodrama

2. / Weightlifting / Rain / Mirror Showing Monster

3. Passion / / Saint

4. Breeding / Psychopath / Sordidness / Hitler Worship / Repellant

5. H.P. Lovecraft / Fire / Mutation / New England

6. Laboratory Accident / Basement Laboratory / Tragedy / Scream

7. Good Versus Evil / Cynic / Humor / Courage / Tyrant

8. Ford Model T / Desert / Car Crash / Secret Past / Loyalty

9. Raven / Hero / Turns Into Animal / Turned To Stone / 14th Century

10. Badminton / Money / Happy Birthday To You / Dungeon / Disney Animated Feature

Good luck! I'm especially interested in hearing your gueses for number 4.....

Tagging: Liz, Andrea, Rachel!

Augh, I've been tagged!!

 

A - Available/Single?
Single, yes. Available, no.

B - Best Friend?
Rachel!

C - Cake or Pie?
Cheesecake.

D - Drink of Choice?

Hmmmm........non-alcholic would beVernor's; alcoholic would probably be a Mai Thai. Yummy.....

E - Essential Item You Use Everyday?
Comb. When you have 3 feet of hair, it's a necessity.

F - Favorite Color
Purple!!!!!!

G - Gummy Bears or Worms?
Generally, worms. You can tie them up in knots, eat them in sections by color, etc.

H - Hometown?
In Texas, Hereford. In California, the whole La Mirada/Fullerton/Placentia area.

I - Indulgence?
Get thee behind me, Tetzel! (50 respect points if you get this joke) *joins in singing with Liz* No you won't get to Heaven....on roller skates...no you won't get to heaven...on roller skaaaaaates...no you won't get to Heaven on roller skates, you'll roll right by those pearly gates....

J - January or February?
February. RAIN!!!!! And COLD!!!!! YAYYYY!

K - Kids & Their Names
None. But I do have two godchildren, one boy in Texas--I think his name is Cody. I've been out of contact with his mom for awhile, so I can't quite remember. And of course, Lucy Motte, the most beautiful baby EVER.

L - Life Is Incomplete Without?
I agree with Liz on this one. But for the sake of difference, I will say...beauty

M - Marriage Date?
3:15 pm the day after never.

N - Number Of Siblings?
1 sister.

O - Oranges or Apples?

Gala apples with cheddar cheese!

 

P - Phobias/Fears
Money and paperwork.

Q - Favorite Quote?
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."

R - Reason to Smile?
I have a new hat!

S - Season?
Winter!

T - Tag Three People
Rachel, Marcy, and Adam, if he happens to read my blog.

U - Unknown Fact About Me?
Hmmmmm...I could tell you, but then it wouldn't be a secret anymore!

V - Vegetables You Don't Like?
BRUSSELS SPROUTS

W - Worst Habit?
Not exercising and eating total junk,

X - X-rays You've Had?
teeth

Y - Your Favorite Food?
hmmm.....Trader Joe's French Onion Soup? It depends on what I'm in the mood for. Casseroles. I like casseroles.

Z - Zodiac Sign?
Cancer

 

 

Prayer needed

Hello friends;

 

I would really appreciate it if all of you could be praying for me today. My finances have gotten very bad lately, and it's getting pretty serious. Please pray that I don't panic, and that I can just keep my head and deal with things.

You got 100% correct

You are a Church history expert. You know more than the average Catholic. You probably even have a love of Latin. Which your knowledge, you should consider teaching religious education classes, if you don't already.

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Which is funny, since I'm an Anglican.

Letter from an Anglican to her Catholic and Orthodox Brethren:

 

As a high church Anglican, I watch the American province of my church fall apart with horror. I grieve for it everyday. And yet, when I hear the mainline Protestant denominations mocking us, it hurts. When I hear my Catholic and Orthodox brothers and sisters using my church as a term of derision, it wounds to the core of my being.

 

I am writing this, not knowing it any of you will see it, to ask you to please stop chiding us, and start praying for us. How can we mend if you who have remained strong do not pray for us?

 

We want to be unified again. We want to be strong. We want to be one with you, but right now, we cannot. Are we to be blamed because we will not give up our church for lost? Adding schism to heresy helps no-one but the Enemy. We love our church, its history, ethos, and traditons; we want to bring these things to you as gifts, not as burdens to be disposed of. There is still so much good in the Anglican Communion as a whole: more good than bad, in fact.

 

We love the Sacraments, and it wounds us that we cannot share in them with you at this time; at the same time, we acknowledge that the differences between us are real, and not to be dismissed lightly in the name of superficial unity. We do, howeve,r have one Lord, one Faith, and one Baptist, one Sacrament of Body and Blood, one apostolic priesthood. We are your brothers, though we have been apart for so long. We are of the same Body.

 

Hang on to us in your prayers; do not forget us. We love deeply, hope greatly, and believe strongly; pray for us. Help us to keep believing, and to remain where God has put us as salt and light. Stop laughing at our troubles, and try to love us again.

 

Remember us always to God.

 

 

This is an old story of mine; I'm still working on it, and have nevergotten it right. Maybe it needs to be put into verse, or maybe just images. I'm not quite sure. But here is the latest version of the story, based on the 5 wise virgins and 5 foolish virgins from Matthew.

 

 

 

Rachel had looked forward to this day for as long as she could remember. The wedding day. Not hers, of course: no one had ever sought her out, but the wedding for her best friend. His family had lived next door to Rachel's for as long as she could remember. They'd played in the dusty streets as children; she'd heard him talk about his wedding day for many years. "When I come for my bride, it will be the happiest day in the world," he boasted, "and everyone in town will be there to help me celebrate. Rachel, you'll be sure to come too, right?" She'd promised she would, with all the faith her 9-year-old heart could muster.

The day came when he left, riding off on his father's donkey, to begin to build the house for his bride. When asked--as he often was--who was the lucky girl he'd chosen, his face would break into a huge smile. "She's the most beautiful girl in the world. And when we are married, everyone will see."

Some people expected Rachel to be sad that she was not the bride herself, but she wasn't. "I could never be a bride for him," she confided to her sister. "I'm not nearly good enough for him, and he needs the very best." Her heart ached for him sometimes, but she remembered his generosity and openness, and resolved to give up her friend, so that he might be happy with his bride and family.

Finally, the day of the wedding arrived. Rachel and her four sisters packed their lamps, their oil, and set out towards the house where the marriage party was expected to arrive. The day passed quietly, everyone hushed with expectation. As night drew near, Rachel and her sisters lit their lamps, determined to be awake when the groom arrived. The night dragged on, the stars lifting themselves above the horizon; Rachel sat in the quiet of the night, simply waiting to see the lights of the party coming down the road. In the darkest part of the night, over the horizon, she finally saw a faint glow. It came up the road, and resolved itself into the lights of the party; she could even hear the laughter and shouts of the groom as he made his way to the house. "Quickly!" Rachel shook her sisters into alertness; they began to rummage hurriedly for the small jars of oil for their lamps. A series of quiet wails arose from across the crowded courtyard. Rachel looked over to see a group of girls, lamps sputtering and flickering. "Does anyone have any oil? Our lamps are about to go out!" Rachel's sisters all shook their heads; no-one had thought of bringing more than she needed for her own lamp.

As the procession wound around the house and entered the gates, Rachel hurried across the courtyard and knelt beside the most distraught of the girls. "Here," she whispered, pouring most of her oil into the girl's lamp. "Quickly now, or you'll miss the party!" The girl leapt to her feet with a shy smile and ran inside to join the party. Rachel got up, but as she ran, her own lamp flickered, guttered, and then went out. Looking up, Rachel saw the gates of the house close, and the courtyard was plunged into complete darkness. Only the faintest hint of song leaked through the stone walls and into the silence outside.

Rachel fell to her knees on the hard stones and wept. She had never felt so dark and cold as she did now, shut out from the joy of the wedding feast. What seemed like hours later, she felt a touch on her shoulders, and looked up to see the groom standing there, smiling down at her. "Get up, Rachel, it's time to go in to the feast."

"But...but...I have no light, I cannot go."

He laughed then, eyes alit and dancing. " How can you say that you have no light? Look!"

He pullled her hands away from her face, and as she looked down, she saw a warm light, like a live coal, burning in her heart. The light grew and brightened, casting its glow on the cold pavement of the courtyard.

"Arise, and come away, Rachel. The winter is past, the rains are gone. Come in to the Feast."

As she rose numbly to her feet, he took her hand, and opened the doors, and she stepped into the light, the Bride coming home at last.

 

When feeling rather down in the dumps, standing on a hill in the midst of a rain/windstorm will do wonders for perking you up.

 

Guess how I spent my lunch break today? More on this later....

Cemetery Crawling

Yesterday, I took a half-day off work and went "cemetery crawling" with Father David, my priest. We've both found that there are precious few people in the world who enjoy walking through cemeteries, looking at the tombstones and memorials. Fortunately, I was brought up wandering through old cemeteries, so I'm used to it, and love it.

We actually started off the day, after a long drive down the freeway, at Cotter's Church Supplies. This was a huge store full of just about everything needed for a liturgical church. We were there to look at travelling Mass kits and albs; but while Father David did serious shopping, I wandered over to the art/icon section. I saw one of my favorite paintings there, Dali's The Sacrament of the Last Supper. It's a lovely painting, but I question its appropriateness for church use. I'm still not quite sure why it was there. Same with his depiction of The Christ of St. John of the Cross. But below the questionable artwork, they had a table full of icons.

It's no secret that I love icons. I'm inexpressibly glad that the 7th Council affirmed their use by the faithful. They had most of the standard icons: the Holy Face, the Sweet-Kissing Virgin, Archangel Michael; but they had another icon that I've only seen once---I keep a small version in my purse--the Nymphios(Bridegroom). This is a depiction of Christ with his robe and crown of thorns from the Passion, but he does not sad or beaten. Instead, he holds his head high, and stands with dignity. In this image, Christ is the Bridegroom, and His Passion is His wedding feast.

I love this odd little picture. I'm glad I have a copy of it. Most girls carry a picture of someone they love in their purse; I think that He is probably going to be the only Bridegroom in my life, and so to remeber that--and to learn to love Him better--I carry the icon.

When Fr.David moved over to look at the albs, I started browsing through the vestments, and made a discovery: Modern vestments are REALLY BORING. They tend to be made of cheaper, plain cloth, with abstract designs woved or printed onto them. I found one or two stoles that were of brocade, and a few that had good images embroidered into them, but most were excruciatingly boring (or worse, politcally correct and ugly). Fr. David pointed out that at least when the old-fashioned stuff is out of style, it's cheaper to buy! It seems that truth and beauty go together; when you give up one, you forfeit the other. We must hold firm to both, or risk being both wrong and ugly.

The high points of the trip came after we left the store, and found the cemeteries. The first was Rosedale, just a short drive from Cotter's. You drive along a red brick wall to the entrance, then pass through old iron gates. The gravestones are mostly old, and many are carved and engraved in distinct designs. The ground is a little uneven, so the stones are all pointing slightly different directions, like the masts of ships in a dock. The first grave we stopped at was Hattie McDaniel; the famous African-American actress from Gone With the Wind. Her stone was very simple and plain, without even a date of death on it. Then we walked down the little path to the grave of a lady that Father David knew; he'd been there for her graveside service 18 years ago, but had never been back. It took us a little searching to find the stone, but finally we saw the one we were looking for: Mabel Klint.

After reading a prayer from the BOCP, we stood for a moment, looking at what is probably the only memorial to a saintly lady; I noticed a small spider crawling across the stone. For some reason, that spider was....well, not comforting per se, but...I guess I felt content as I watched it. No matter what I do, whether I follow God with all my heart or fail in every attempt, this is how I will be someday. There will be spiders that crawl across the stone on my grave too...and it's a good thing. I will join the other saints--God willing and God helping--and no-one will remember me. And it is good.

After leaving Rosedale, we consulted the maps and plotted a course to bring us to Holy Cross cemetery, where the Catholic author and film producer Myles Connolly is buried. Connolly is most famous for his book, Mr. Blue, but also worked in Hollywood. In fact, one of his other books, Dan England and the Noonday Devil, was more influential to me than Mr. Blue. Holy Cross is much more organized than Rosedale, and it is pretty, but it just doesn't have the character of Rosedale. The gravestones were all flat and set flush into the hillsides, the lawns were perfectly groomed; again, very nice, but not as...real. Myles Connolly is buried, with his wife, just behind a large statue of the Virgin and Child. It's a very simple stone, with their names and important dates on it. I wondered, while standing there, if anyone else ever comes by to pay their respects. Visiting gravesites isn't done much anymore, except as a tourist attraction. Once they're buried, we forget. And we, in our turn, are forgotten.

I think this is part of why I visit the Hortons every month. I don't want them to be forgotten; as long as I come visit, someone knows their stories, someone remembers what they did, and someone is grateful. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to pass that on to someone else, and they will remember. But even if no-one remembers, and all that the Hortons did is forgotten, it will still stand, and God will remember. And so with me, and so with Blessed Sacrament, and so with the world.

"In the soundless awe and wonder, words fall short to hope again. How beautiful, how vast Your love is, new forever, world without an end."

Selah, Amen.

If anyone is interested, here's a great fruit salad recipe:

 

Apples

Pears

Raisins

Handful of chopped pecans

Carton of Trader Joe's Fig Yogurt.

 

Yum.........

Ok, so hopefully this blogging by email thing will work for me; I hate not being able to blog. I really like this function; it lets me blog at work!

 

Not much going on today; my shoulder hurts like the dickens whenever I move it. I was sitting on the couch the other night, and when I attempted to get up, my foot snagged on some loose piping on the couch cushion, and I hit the floor pretty hard. I'm grateful that I didn't hit my head, but my shoulder is still having issues from that fall!

 

I wish I knew why I'm so irate today. I think it's just the whole "I never get to be anywhere quiet" thing; people talk to me all day long at work, then I come home to more noise (usually at least 4 people, often 6, in a little bitty 2-room apartment) and it's NEVER QUIET. I think it's getting to me, so I'm going to try going quiet places after work, instead of heading straight home. It's sad that I can't get any peace and quiet at home, but be that as it may.....

Testing, testing...

 

How I love Blogger

Letting me post by email

This is fantastic

Meditations on a sunset

I love sunsets. I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't like them. I remember sitting up on the roof of my house, realizing for the first time how the sunset turns all the houses and trees to gold for a few minutes before the glory fades. And here, where the sunset lingers longer, I love to watch the windows of the houses reflect the glorious final rays of the daylight.
After you watch sunsets for a while, you begin to notice something: if you turn your back to the sun, everything seems full of light. If you face the sun, everything around you is dark.

If you stand with your back firmly to the light, everything around you will reflect the light back, flaming signposts to direct your attention back to the sun. Every created thing tries to reflect the sun, in a desperate attempt to get you to turn around and look into the light; but all too often, we want to look at the reflection in the trees, and grass, and houses, and people, rather than at the light itself.

But when we turn to the light, everything else is dark, and we stand in shadows. We cannot see the glory reflected in anything, and the light itself burns our eyes, so we squint and our eyes well with tears. The world that was so beautiful becomes a valley of the shadow, and we can hardly bear it. But then we lift our eyes to the sun and all the other things fade away. We stand transfixed by the light, souls straining to fly away into the west.

At that final sunset, the trees will shout with the green gold of their leaves, the mountains will boom with the glory of God, and the houses will all burn with the flames of the sun, calling us all to turn towards the light. If we love too much the light of the world, and refuse to turn to the Light, we will go down into the final darkness. But if we lose the glories of this world to turn into the light, all around us will become enveloped in that glorious light, that will have the glories of the sunset, and all the promise of the dawn.

Weird.....

Today I was paging through the archives at http://holywhapping.blogspot.com, a very funny and insightful blog, when I ran across...

http://holywhapping.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_holywhapping_archive.html#112610548636290652

Them referencing a Quizilla quiz that I made.

*cue Twilight Zone music*

Boy did I fool THEM!

You Are Incredibly Logical

Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic You think rationally, clearly, and quickly. A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer!

How Logical Are You?

Lent is almost upon us, and you can smell the anticipation in the air. Oh, no, sorry, that's not anticipation, it's just pancakes.

I don't know if anybody else ever looks forward to Lent, but I do. Sure, the novelty wears off by the second week of it, and it's difficult and uncomfortable. But it's also a nice quiet time, a time of resting and preparing, of thinking and praying. It's nice to be coerced into being quiet and simple for a few weeks. We all benefit from it, even if we don't like it.

So, go to confession tonight, eat some pancakes, and get ready to fast!

I can't believe this.

In my effort to eat more healthy stuff, I've been shopping at Trader Joe's lately. Their stuff is better, cheaper, and tastier than it's grocery store counterparts.

So today, I brought hummus and pita to work with me. As a snack. And I'm enjoying it. This is disturbing.

At least I still hate soy.

Jo March

Josephine March, from Little Women, is a tomboy who loves writing, acting, and her family. She dreams of seeing the world and publishing her book.

Which Classic Heroine are You?

Huzzah, I LOVE Jo!

Meant to post this in early January, but forgot, of course.

Years ago, when I was a kid at First Baptist Church in Hereford, I remember on church service on the first Sunday of the New Year. Our best soprano sang a song that went to the tune of Auld Lang Syne, but with different words. The pastor dedicated it to all the people from the congregation who'd died the year before, reading their names out to the assembly. I've always remembered the song, memorized it, and sing it with regularity, especially when thinking of those who have passed.

So, this year, I'll post the song again.

For (not all of these have died in the past year, but they're the ones I always remember in prayers of the people at church) : Jim Hampton, Janelle Debris, Irene Pearcey, Gene Ledbetter, Richard Omondi.

It singeth low in every heart,
We hear it each and all:
A song of those who answer not,
However we may call.
They throng the silence of the breast,
We see them as of yore:
The kind, the brave, the true, the sweet
Who walk with us no more.

'Tis hard to pick the burden up
When these have laid it down;
They brightened every joy of life,
They softened every frown.
But oh, 'tis good to think of them
When we are troubled sore;
Thanks be to God that such have been
Though they are here no more.

More homelike seems the vast unknown
Since they have entered there,
'Tis not so hard to follow them
However they may fare.
They cannot be where God is not,
On any sea or shore:
What e'er betides, Thy love abides,
Our God, forevermore.

Shamelessly stolen from: http://ryandunssj.blogspot.com/

[A is for apparitions - your favorite]: Medjugorje

[B is for Bible - the one you read most often]: NASB, but I have a severe weakness for the Vulgate. Everything sounds better in Latin.

[C is for Charism - the one you would most like to have]: discernment

[D is for Doctor of the Church - your favorite]: Therese of Lisieux!

[E is for Essential Prayer - What’s yours?]: The Jesus Prayer "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me, a sinner."

[F is for Favorite Hymn]: St. Patrick's Breastplate, and Nearer My God To Thee

[G is for Gospel - your favorite author?]: John

[H is for Holy Communion - How would you describe it, using one word?]: Consummation

[I is for Inspiration - When do you feel most inspired by God?]: When I'm doing anything artistic

[J is for Jesus - When did you first meet Him?]: Hmmmm.....don't remember. I got saved when I was about 9, but that certainly wasn't my first encounter.

[K is for Kindness - Which saint or person has most inspired you by their kindness?]: Mother Teresa

[L is for liturgical year - your favorite time in the liturgical cycle?]: Holy Week

[M is for Mary, the Mother of God - Your favorite term of endearment for her]: Mother of Sorrows, and Stella Maris

[N is for New Testament - Your favorite passage]: The part about "to him who overcomes, i will give some of the holy manna, and a white stone with a new name." From Revelations.

[O is for Old Testament - Your favorite Book here]: Job.

[P is for Psalms - your favorite]: 116 "Blessed in the eyes of the Lord is the death of His holy ones."

[Q is for quote - saint quote]: "Sufferings gladly borne for others convert more people than sermons.” Therese of Lisieux (Also, her delightfully childlike "I choose them all!")

[R is for rosary - your favorite mysteries]: The Sorrowful

[S is for Saint - the one you turn to in time of need - not including the Blessed Virgin Mary]: Therese of Lisieux. She gave me a flower once!

[T is for Tradition - your favorite Catholic tradition]: Hmmmmmm.....Not actually being Catholic (Anglo-Catholic Anglican), I'm not sure, but within my own tradition I'd say the colors associated with the different seasons of the ecclesiastical year.

[U is for university - Which Catholic University have you attended or are currently attending?]: None: not actually Catholic! *sheepish*

[V is for Virtue - the one you wish you had]: moderation

[W is for Way of the Cross - Which station can you most relate to?]: Veronica Wipes Jesus' Face

[X is for Xaverian Brothers - Do you know who they are?]: nope

[Y is for your favorite Catholic musician]: Caedmon!

[Z is for Zeal for the faith]: amen!

Meditations on Mud (Caves)

Meditation 1: This is actually an entry from my journal while on the trip. It's better with the random little drawing that goes with it, and the formatting is as close to the original as I could get it. Anyway....

into the deep dark of the caves
away from the sun from warmth from life
twisting body bent by the contortions ofthe
cave eating dust and drinking dark
choking on both of them
the occasional glimpse of light
envying those who walk
forever under the sky
and never in the dark
feet trip and slip
dislodged by the same
dust that grinds
between your teeth
weeping but tears
turn into mud
not the mud
that restored
the sight of
the blind but
the mud that
hardens and
imprisons the
mud that is
the cave echoes
scatter bouncing
into nothingness
you begin to forget
the sky and the
sun in the long dark
but wait
to eyes accustomed to shadow the faint light is unbearable will
you turn away into the familiar dark no you decide even if the sun
burns me to ash and the sky press down on me with the weight
of the world i will seek the light scrambling upward hands scraping
through dust and stones you suddenly find your outstretched hand
grasped and pulled up into the light we were watching you they say
you look down and see the ground full of holes beneath you
kneeling down you peer into one and in the gloom you see
another struggling its alright you yell we're here waiting for
you you stand up in the sunlight the dust of the cave still on
your shoulders and look out across the valley the dust shines like
alabaster and the scattered stones gleam like diamonds in the light.


Meditation 2

I admit, I'm prone to seeing life in terms of metaphor. Or, at any rate, expanding random everyday occurances into views on life.

This being the case, here's one thought from the trip.

Fr. David lead the trip, and since he was the only one who'd been to the mud caves, we relied on his guidance. (I'm sure you can see where the metaphor is going already)

But there were two moments that really stood out to me:

The first was in the caves themselves: I had only a candle for light, which was great, but occasionally didn't give quite enough light. So Fr. David was quite often stopping and shining a light in my path to keep me from tripping (I'll let you draw the obvious metaphor)

The other time was outside the caves, when we were all scrambling down the sides of the hills. I slipped on the loose rocks and sand, and almost slid down (it wouldn't have been a bad fall-just a few feet-but still uncomfortable). Fr. David planted his foot right under mine and kept me from slipping.

By now you've figured out the thoughts running through my mind: this is part of the ministry of priests, to shine light into the darkness, and to help those who are slipping into sin. Again, obvious. But a cool image of it, nonetheless.

Meditation 3. Fire on the Mountain

Being in the desert tends to make one think of the imagery and story of the Exodus and the wandering in the wilderness. I love the deserts and high plains; their beauty is subtle, fierce, and wild. The Anza-Borrego was no different, nor was the arroyo in which we were camping. We saw the hills and sand first by moonlight; the hills looked cold and raw, like mountains on some distant planet. The moon shone so brightly it cast shadows on the ground. And God was in the night.

In the warm morning sunlight, the hills looked hot and dusty, as millions of days under the glare of the sun turned everything to fine sand. The scraggly bushes poked forth leaves in varying degrees of verdancy, and God was in the day.

There was no guiding cloud, no pillar of fire by night. But God burned in every leaf on the bush and on the peak of every hill.

The Trip

I've been curious about the Mud Caves of the Anza-Borrego Desert for years, but never been there. I started to get really excited the closer we got; I love the high plains and the desert--they have this wild, subtle beauty that takes practice to see.

We got there late, after dark, but the moonlight was so bright we could walk around without difficulty. In fact, I'm glad I saw the hills by moonlight first: it looked like the surface of a distant planet, with ragged hills and stardust spilling down the little valleys. (it was used as the setting for part of the planet Mars in the Starman series; one of the authors was our guide on the trip)

We set up camp and decided to visit one cave before it got too late. We walked a few yards down the road to Plunge Pool, and entered the cave. There weren't enough flashlights to go around, so I got to use a candle instead. Which is great, because I like candles better; I love the dancing flames and the warm light. The cave winds for a few narrow yards before widening out into a cavern, with a skylight 30 feet up. At night, it was completely dark; we put out all our lights, and talked in the dark for a long time. Then we lit our lights, and went back to camp.

We cooked dinner (hot dogs!!) and I discovered that you can, in fact, roast a strawberry over a campfire: it's very good, though you have to be careful, since the fruit gets VERY hot. Fr. David had brought some square handmade peppermint marshmallows, and we toasted a few of those, too. Brian entertained us all by telling a story, enjoying our laughter before realizing that we were laughing more at the charcoal he'd inadvertently rubbed all over his face than at the story. Fr. David brought out The Mad Scientists' Club ---a book that has long been a favorite of mine--and read "The Voice in the Chimney". By the time the story was over, we were all stamping our feet trying to warm up, and shivering.

Everyone froze during the night, except maybe Ashley, who said she was warm. That day was spent clambering around the caves, getting covered in dust, sand, and various scrapes. More on this part in the meditations post. I had enormous amounts of fun finding bits of mica in the rocks and dust on top of the caves, and exploring the great textures left in the mud.

We went back to camp and ate lunch (hot dog sandwiches! A coyote or something had made off with our hot dog buns in the night) then headed out to a few more caves. Brian scared us all by attempting to climb down a cliff wall to another cave opening, but gave up when he saw that it was just too dangerous.

In another cave, we came up into the light in a small hollow. We all sat down to rest, and Ashley and I lay down on a rock, propped our feet up on the far wall, and looked up at the darkening sky. The moon was up, and a jet soared by overhead, leaving a pink trail behind it. We headed back down, and walked back to camp; dinner was chili, with onions and sourdough bread. Fr. David read us "The Strange Sea Monster of Strawberry Lake," my favorite of the m ad Scientists Club stories.


The moon was bright and clear again, and we did some climbing that night by its light on the nearby hills. Ashley and I sat ourselves on top of the hill that overlooked the campsite, and lay on our backs to look at the moon; we even saw a shooting star! I think two bats flew overhead, too.

We all slept warmer that night, and slept well. I woke up briefly in the middle of the night, after the moon had set; the starlight was bright enough to see by! Not as well as the moonlight, but enough.

We got up that morning; I did some drawing and writing, several of the others went for walks. Brian finished up the last chapter of the first Starman book. We packed up camp and headed up to Ghost Mountain, home to writer Marshall South in the 1930's. It's a mile-long trek uphill to get to the ruins of the adobe house, but well worth it. We had Mass in the middle of the ruins, and then headed back down the hill, and headed back towards home. I, unfortunately, got rather carsick, and didn't fell at all well. When we stopped for lunch (my first meal of the day, at 3 pm!) at the Wynola Pizza Express, I could hardly choke down three pieces of my mushroom pizza (which was sad, because it was excellent pizza; I highly recommend the restaurant!) When we got back in the car, Ashley suggested that we read the Gospel of John on the way home: Erin and I took turns reading, while Ashley drove. Due to a bit of a jam on the 91, we actually got to finish the whole book! We dropped Erin off, and drove back to the church, loaded my stuff into my car, and the trip was over!

Mud caves!

Ok, there will be two posts on the recent trips to the Mud Caves: the first one, just a recounting of my favorite times; the second, a meditation of some things from the weekend.

Prayer needed

Hey all, I could really use your prayers right now. Due largely to sleeping on really bad mattresses of late (amongst other things), my back hurts very badly most of the time. It started off with just the occasional pain in the lower right back, but now it's spread to the whole of my lower back and upper legs. It's almost constant pain anytime I'm standing, and anytime I switch positions. Fortunately, I sit down for most of the day at work, but it's definately getting worse. Please pray that I can afford to see a doctor soon, and that I deal with the pain well (instead of being grouchy, which is what I do most of the time. Sigh.)

Love Story

You ever watch those great movies or wonderful old stories? You know, the kind where the great prince is serving as a gardener in the princess' palace, or as a stableboy, or an accountant, or something, and you know the two of them just have to get together, but the princess can't see the true worth of the guy trimming the verge?

I love those stories. They're so....well, so true.

Archetypally, at any rate.

Think about it: we're all living this fairy tale. The soul (which I shall refer to in the feminine case, as that's traditional and works better for the analogy) is a princess, living her life, concerned with all the things of the world. But in the garden, a prince waits: dressed in humble garb, with quiet honesty and integrity. Will she notice Him? Will she cease being drawn into the petty intrigue of the court, and give herself to the Prince, before it's too late?

This is a story that the angels themselves watch with bated breath. The Prince of Peace, king of the cosmos, becomes man, and sets aside His glory. He woos the soul, never by force or showy glamour, but with a fiery love and passion. Will she notice? Will she stop being drawn aside into other affections? Will she stop toying with Him, and finally be His? Or will she spurn Him, and chase after the wind?

"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!




Joi has a computer that hooks up to the internet again.

8 Simple rules for watching a movie in a shared living room:

1. DO NOT walk in on the movie halfway through, and continually ask the person watching it to tell you what's going on. JUST WATCH THE FREAKIN' FILM! The person will not mind if you do so, at least not as much as she minds constantly pausing to explain. This goes doubly so if the person watching the movie has never seen said movie before.

2. DO NOT constantly ask what's going on when you've been watching the movie from the beginning. More than likely, the film itself will answer your questions--that's kind of the point. If you don't understand after it's over, then you can ask questions. If you just want a few sentence summary of the film, go read IMDB.

3. DO NOT constantly come through the room, talking loudly or making a lot of noise. The person watching the movie wants to be able to hear it. If you find that they are continually turning the volume up, you are being too loud. (NOTE: This only applies if the person watching the film was there first. If the person talking was there first, the movie-watcher is being rude and gets what she deserves.)

4. DO NOT mock the movie if you notice that the person watching it appears moved by the story.

5. DO NOT talk about bad effects on classic movies. Nobody cares. All past effects are bad by the most recent standards. The Red-Sea-peeling-back on The Ten Commandments is still cool, regardless of looking a little funny.

6. DO NOT mock the acting style in classic movies. A different acting style was in vogue at the time; they would have considered today's actors terrible. Just get in the mindset of the time. It's not that hard.

7. FOREIGN FILMS AND ART FILMS are just weird. Do not ask the person attempting to watch them to explain it. Even if they like it, they won't be able to explain why. If you don't get it, just accept it, and be quiet.

8. IF you don't like the movie, just leave. Don't mock it, complain about it, or try to drown it out. Go read a book. (Again, only applies when the movie-watcher was there first)

Entering the Labyrinth

I just went to see Pan's Labyrinth with two of my best friends. Pan's Labyrinth is a foreign film, all the dialogue is in Castillian Spanish (lovely langauge!), and it is a combination war story/fantasy film.

I'm still processing this movie. It's been compared, in terms of emotional impact and brutality, to Schindler's List, and the comparison is not unwarranted. It's not quite so much so as SL, but close enough.

The requirements for watching this film are:

1. A strong stomach. If you can watch Schindler's List, you'll be fine. If you can't handle Schindler's List, watch Pan's Labyrinth at your own risk.
2. An appreciation for good fantasy (MacDonald, Gaiman, etc)
3. A willingness to believe in fairies.

Most reviews of the film spin it as a young girl in war-torn Spain who creates her own fantasy world to escape to. That's a valid interpretation of the film, up to a point; the first half of the movie is unclear about whether or not these fantastic things that Ofelia experiences are real or the product of her active imagination. But at a certain point (the mandrake root screaming) it becomes clear that there is at least a real connection between the two worlds. From that point on, the physical events become harder to explain if Ofelia's world is not real.

It seemed to me that the film had several strong themes: courage, parents and children, humility, and sacrifice. Sometimes the themes ran seperately, but they often seemed to come together into a larger theme (meta-theme?). Specifically, one of the themes seemed to be the courage necessary to willing undergo the humility and sacrifices of being a parent. (All credit on these thoughts go to Rachel Motte, who brought them up. Rachel, blog about the movie soon, I want to hear more!) The viewer is shown a mother without the courage to go through loneliness for her daughter's sake, a son who cannot bear to hear any mention of his father--a man who could die well, and a daughter who will give up everything for her baby brother.

The tagline for the film sums it up the best: "Innocence has a power that Evil cannot imagine." Pan's Labyrinth allows evil to do its worst, and doesn't pull any punches. But it also shows the efficacy of innocence, and leaves the viewer amazed at the power released by sacrifice.

This could become a new favorite website.... http://www.etiquettegrrls.com/pages/home.html

If you like Go Fug Yourself, you'll like The Etiquette Grrrls.

Thoughts on Ecclesiastes:

"3: 9. What gain has the worker from his toil?
10: I have seen the business that God has given to the sons of men to be busy with.
11: He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has put eternity into man's mind, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
12: I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live;
13: also that it is God's gift to man that every one should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil.
14: I know that whatever God does endures for ever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it; God has made it so, in order that men should fear before him."

I used to read this passage with great confusion.Verse 12 does not seem like what you expect to find in the Bible. And hasn't the Teacher just stated that pursuing pleasure is folly?

And then today I realized something: the Teacher is right. Because pursuing pleasure does not bring happiness, nor, in the end, even pleasure. What does make men happy? Walking with God, doing justice, making an honest living, and loving those around them. Man is not happy without God. Man is not happy without work.

There really is a time for everything. A time to work, and a time to rest. A time for fasting, and a time for feasting. We go from one to the other, spring turning to summer, then to fall, and winter, and then back again. Advent becoming Epiphany, then moving to Lent, Easter, Pentecost, and back again. We laugh, cry, rejoice, sigh, rage, and fear. And it is good. Human life, in its smallness and ordinariness, is good. It can be holy, if we so wish. It is mundane, of the earth, and like the earth, it is immense and grand as the ocean, and as small and humble as a grain of sand.

And it's ok that nothing makes sense, or really holds together. Nothing we do or see ever will. And that's alright. That's the way things are (though not how they were meant to be.) We can grieve for what was, what should have been, and give thanks that God did not leave us to it, and that His works are eternal, and He will preserve what is to be perserved.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away: blessed be the name of the Lord.

As per tradition:



My New Year's Resolutions:

1. Try to do a yoga routine at least once a week.
2. Eat more vitamins
3. Cook more.
4. Learn to tailor my clothing more (a feat that will be assissted by my NEW DRESS FORM!!!!!!!)
5. Improve my penmanship
6. Improve conversation skills
7. Read more non-fiction.

How Can I Keep From Singing?



Sorry for taking so long to blog again, everybody, things have been crazy.

Lately I've been reading Dr. Reynolds' Christmas blog posts; you can read the latest one here.


I get pretty discouraged sometimes. I feel like I'm made almost no progress in shaping my soul. I still have a hard time saving money, eating right, excercizing, and I still have largely terrible taste in music.

But then I look back to myself in high school, and I realize that I have changed. I'm no longer so angry, or so arrogant. I still struggle greatly with despair, and probably always will, but I now have courage to fight that battle and face that despair.

My tastes in music have definately improved: I can watch opera (still can't listen without the staged visuals) and enjoy it, I like the groups Anonymous 4 and Sequentia, and I love Pachelbel's Canon in D(in fact, that peice is a powerful weapon against despair; its order, structure, and simple melody can snap me out of depression.) I even like a little ballet.

I don't really know what any of this means. Sometimes I think the hardest thing about life is that you just have to go out there every day, and do the same thing. You have to do your duty every day, make the right choices everyday, and be an adult everyday.

The temptation to shirk all that is inescapable at times. You just want to make one bad choice, let one duty slide, act childish for a few hours. We're rarely, if ever, allowed to see how those good choices impact our lives, and the lives of those around us. It seems like life just going along like usual. But when we make the wrong choices, we see how important the right ones were.

C.S. Lewis said "No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because he was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means--the only complete realist."

It never feels like a glorious battle. Only a long trudge, fighting against enemies we can't see, and often fighting our own selves.

Yet.....

There is a joy in it all. A song can live in the most downtrodden heart, and all the slings and arrows of fortune cannot take it away.

"My life goes on in endless song
Above earths lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation."

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear its music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing? "

While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth."

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock Im clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing? "

When tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing? "

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?"