You know you hate your major when you wake up in a panic over a dream concerning your classes....and it's only the third week of school.

I don't want to do this "artsy" thing anymore. I'll never be a great (even even good!) artist, and I'm fine with that. I don't resent any of my colleagues' comments on my craftsmanship. But I do resent being expected to act, dress, and think like the rest of the art department.

NO, I don't want to join the feminists' club on campus, even though most if not all of the other art girls are there.

NO, I don't want to make fun of the war, the President, or the fact that the rest of the school is predominantly Republican.

NO, I don't want to make fun of Biola and claim that I'm only here because of the art department.

NO, I don't want to make artists who want to work with words as words change and work with words as mere visual things.

NO, I don't want to play the oppressed art major who can't put up the show I want because it might offend the backwards traditionalist Biola community. (Biola is actually pretty good about art; they just don't like to see stuff that mocks their beliefs or is offensive in vulgar or sexual ways)

NO, I don't want to make tongue-in-cheek traditional art. I want to make REAL traditional art.

NO, I don't want to shove Biola's face in something because it's "good for them," or they "need to learn from it." I want to help Biola see beauty and see God, through visual mediums. I want them to be visually literate, not rub their faces in stuff they find offensive.

NO, I don't want to mock homeschoolers as being "unsocialized" (I went to school to get an education not to be socialized) or traditional.

NO, I will not sell out my fundamentalist heritage because some fundamentalists do dumb things. I am proud of that heritage, and I want to reclaim it.

I don't know if I'm going to make it through one more year of the art department; it just about makes me sick to walk into my classes, they're so stressful. At the moment, I'm taking the "sitting down and shutting up" approach to classes.