Cool blog I've just started reading: www.fixed-intent.blogspot.com

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Joi Weaver is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

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From Go-Quiz.com

Stolen from Liz's blog, who stole it from K. White, who stole it from.....You get the idea. I also stole some of the answers from Liz because they were good answers, and I'm just lazy like that.

100 questions

1. Full Name: If you don't know this, and you're reading my blog, I'm not telling you
2. Nick name: Joi, Joy-to-the-Weaver, Joyful, Hey You
4. Place of Birth: Fort Worth, Texas
5. Zodiac Sign: Cancer
6. Male or Female: guess
7. Grade: A
8. School: Biola
9. Occupation: cashier, research assistant, librarian
10. Location: Los Angeles, baby!
11. Screen Names: B8tsyJoi, tinidril_of_perelandra, Lone Jedi

__YOUR APPEARANCE___
12. Hair Color: um..hair-colored hair...Not sure what you'd call this.
13. Hair Length: almost to my waist. Woo! Just a few more feet to go!
14. Eye Color: Even my optometrist cannot answer this. Grayish-greenish-blue.
15. What eye color would you want: purple. But I'm kinda starting to really like the current color of my eyes.
16. Height: 5'6"?
17. What height would you rather be: I like my height, actually. I can reach most top shelves, but most guys are still taller than me. A happy medium.
18. Shoe Size: What are these "shoes" of which you speak?
19. Braces: nope
20. Glasses: When I'm not wearing my contacts
21. Piercings: ears
22. Tattoos: I have an allergy to metal, and possibly to ink as well. Not going to risk it. Besides, I'd get bored with an unchangeable design. It's all about the henna, baby.
23. Righty or Lefty: Mostly righty, but my left hand is pretty talented.

___YOUR FiRSTS___
24. What was the question? I don't know, but I'm sure the answer was 42!
((Where did question 25 go?))
26. First best friend: Probably the kid next door in Ft. Worth. I've forgotten his name...Shane, I think?
27. First Award: For best Bible memory, in VBS, when I was about 5. Wow. That was a while back.
28. First Sport You Joined: archery
29. First Pet: a very tolerant black and white cat
30. First Vacation: not a clue.
31. First Concert: Oh gosh, do I have to admit it? Carman. Yeah. Well, depends on what kind of concert you mean. Our town sponsored Community Concerts with unknown artists, and I went to lots of those as a kid.
32. First Love: see #26.

___ FAVORITES___
33. Movie: I can't pick just one!!! But if I had to....yeesh...Maybe Lord of the Rings? Maybe?
34. TV Show: Tough call between Firefly, Babylon 5, Futurama, the Simpsons, King of the Hill, Stargate, and Alias.
35. Color: the richest purple imaginable
36. Bands: Five Iron Frenzy, Leftover Salmon, Nickelback, Horustorus, getting to like Blind Guardian
37. Song: ?? Just one?? not a chance. (current favorite might be We Used to Be Friends, by the Dandy Warhols)
38. Food: dunno
39. Drink: dunno
40. Candy: yeesh, specializaton is for insects! Vive Variety!
41. Sport To Play: archery
42. Sport To Watch: baseball
43. Brand Of Clothing: Joi Weaver originals
44. Store: Art Supply Warehouse. Or Borders. Or Savers
45. School Subject: depends on the specific class and the teacher. Torrey in general, I guess...Classics.
46. Animal: Dragon and unicorn!
47. Book: Not a chance in hell of me picking just one. Not even within a genre. Not even a favorite genre!

___CURRENTLY___

49. Eating: Nothing. The librarians would shoot me.
50. Drinking: Nothing. See above.
51. Typing: umm........
53. Listening To: Joy to the World, by Three Dog Night ( *busts out singing* "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!")
54. Thinking About: Um...How many skips I have left on Launchcast radio at the moment....
55. Wanting To: SLEEP
56. Watching: my cursor move across the screen as I type this
57. Wearing: Don't you wish you knew! (Black tank top, black "goth sleeves", long green swishy skirt made from a tablecloth, black slip-on shoes, burgundy squashy hat)

___YOUR FUTURE___

58. Want Kids: maybe
59. Want to Get Married: I'm fine with either getting married or being single
60. Careers in Mind: research assistant


__WHiCH iS BETTER WiTH THE OPPOSiTE SEX___

67. Cute or Sexy: Cute.
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: Again, what's with this having to choose??
70. Short or Tall: Tall. Short people have WAY too much energy
71. Easygoing or serious: both
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Yes
73. Fatty or Skinny: I don't much care, but I seem to fall for skinny geeks quite a bit.
74. Sensitive or Loud: Who says the two are mutually exclusive?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: caring
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Both.


___HAVE YOU EVER___

78. Kissed a Stranger: no
79. Drank Alcohol: yes
80. Smoked: nope
81. Ran Away From Home: nope
82. Broken a Bone: no
83. Got an X-ray: several times, for my teeth
84. Broke Up With Someone: no
85. Broken Someone's Heart: not that I know of
86. Turned Someone Down: nope
87. Cried When Someone Died: I think so....
88. Cried At School: yes


___DO YOU BELIEVE IN___

89. God: yes
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love At First Sight: that's a little more complex...I think so...
92. Ghosts: Sort of
93. Aliens: Yes, actually.
94. Soul Mates: um...not sure...lots of little red Symposium flags go up when I hear the term....
95. Heaven: yes
96. Hell: yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: ???? How is this a thing to believe in????
99. Horoscopes: nope, but they're a hoot to read!

___ANSWER TRUTHFULLY___

100. Is There Someone You Want Right Now But Cant Have? Um...Don't know about "can't," per se.....

The Wolf Spirit You scored 730 Spirit!

You are a Wolf Spirit. You feel you are connected with the cosmos, and are fascinated by the moon. You are very agile. Wolf spirits have a lot of friends, and are very smart.

And here we go again...

Yeah, still dealing with my friends leaving. Some days I do ok with it, some days not so much so. But it was a good bit of comfort to discuss it with my spiritual director the other day. While talking with her, I finally grew convinced of something. Even now, it seems weird and prideful to say this, but I think it's true.

I used to think that I shouldn't have abandonment issues, since my parents never divorced and my mom stayed at home with myself and my sister. Usually it's kids whose parents have split up or worked constantly that have these issues, so I've always assumed I was just kidding myself. But maybe it's healthy to admit that I have these issues, rather than continually denying them, assuming that I shouldn't have them. If I have these issues, then they're there, regardless of how they got there.

I am so tired of friends leaving. They always leave. When I was little, all my friends moved away from Fort Worth; I was the last one to leave. We moved to Hereford, and went to First Baptist church there. I made friends and enjoyed it. Then we started going to another church, and I didn't see my friends after that. My best friend, the pastor's daughter, never spoke to me again. After a few years at the other church, we switched back, and I began to make friends again. The previous church had been terrible, and I was horribly lonely. The youth pastor and his wife at FBC were wonderful people, and did a lot to make me feel welcome. Then, just over a year after moving back to that church, we moved to Dumas, and I lost all my friends over again. I never made too many friends in Dumas, I was too odd, and wasn't particularly acceptable. Of the friends I did make, I rarely speak to any of them.

I came to college and made a new group of friends. Who, for some reason, decided to stop talking to me and including me about 2 years later. So I made another group of friends. Who stabbed me in the back, and decided that I wasn't worth talking to when I wasn't of any use. So I moved to another group of friends, who are all now leaving. They say they'll stay in contact, but I have my doubts. Actually, the doubts are all I have. I simply don't believe that it's true. I've seen what happens to college friendships when you no longer live close by: the other person becomes just a name on a mass-produced Christmas letter that you get in February. If they're an especially good friend, you might see a little hand-written note at the bottom of the mass-produced letter.

Bitter? Yeah, a little. I think what gets to me the most is this: In Torrey, one of the big focuses is community. So everybody learns the importance of community, and blathers about it nonstop, about how they're going to build community in the areas they move to...But no-one stays to preserve the community here. I'm not saying that everyone has to stay--that would be a bit counter-productive. But it seems like no-one stays. And I know that my priorities are different from other people's: the other day, one of my friends mentioned that there's nothing for her here anymore, except church and a few friends. Church and a few friends are my main reasons for staying here, so that reply caught me a little off-guard.

And this post is now far too long, so I'll stop here.

Wow, I'm...agitated today. Having trouble sitting still. Hmmm........

More reason for me to find a good job SOON


I have just been invited to spend a week in New York discussing a Plato dialogue with one of the world's most eminent Plato scholars...I REALLY wanna go! It would only cost $250 for airfare, plus a little bit of food. With a job, no problem. Without a job, not gonna happen.

PLEASE pray that my job situation gets settled soon!

Good news on the way?

Maybe....

Got a lead on a great job that's similar to what I do now, which would leave me with the flexible hours to attend mid-week Mass. Woo!

And another REALLY happy thing happened. But I'm not going to blog about that one....yet. Ha!

Current mood: tired
Current song to express mood:

I Don't Want to Be, by Gavin Degraw

"I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son
I don’t need to be anything other than a specialist’s son
I don’t have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from

(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

I’m surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can’t be the only one who’s learned

(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone’s attention please
If you're not like this and that
You’re gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay to stone
And now I’m telling everybody

(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be"

Hehehehehe. This post on Sharon Ferguson's site made me really happy. Liz, you will get a kick out of this.

(this doesn't seem to have posted properly....let's try again....)

A thought:

Do we have "spiritual senses" that correspond to our physical senses? Or are our physical senses deeper than we ever realized? Or are they both one thing that's different from what we usually imagine?

For instance:

I have always envied the people I know who have long conversations with God. My conversations always seem to end up very one-sided, with me desperately trying to listen to God, and never being able to distinguish His voice from all the other floating around in my head.

But then, one day, when I was trying harder than usual to listen, and getting nowhere, I was hit with a very specific thought: I can't hear. I've never heard well. I have a very difficult time listening to classical music because I simply do not distinguish sounds well. It's not that my physical hearing is bad, it's just that my brain isn't wired to process sound very well. With practice, I can attend to music and sound a little better, but it's not natural for me.

But seeing is. I'm very visually acute; symbolic colors and images are very much a second language to me, and I speak it fluently. Almost all of my major communications from God have been in the form of image or story. I have "visual conversations," for lack of a better term, all the time. It's not that God hasn't been telling me things; He has. But He's been silent, because I do not hear well.

So again, do our physical senses correspond to spiritual senses(or metaphysical senses, if you like) ? Are they both part of one thing?

Why did we stop talking to people?

Most people in any given department store won't talk to, or even look at, the janitorial staff, or the stockroom staff.

At my former library job, I'm not sure how many of the student workers took the time to talk to Tony or Richard, the copier repair guys. Did they even know their names?

My roommate, who is in a Figurative Drawing class, tells me that the prof generally doesn't talk to the models and the students rarely hear their names.

In my drawing class, I was fortunate to have a professor who insisted on talking to the models, getting to know them, and encouraging the students to do the same. As a result, we all walked away with a fondness of the models, and a profound respect for them. The prospect of looking at them "objectively" bothers me. Can I actually draw Carlos without caring about his love of photography? Can I protray Erl without smiling at his quirky sense of humor? Can I sketch Donna without knowing her regality and nobility? I might draw the forms accurately, but they will have no soul.

All people carry the Image of God, the Imago Dei. If I refuse to talk to some people just because they have a "lower" job than myself, what bit of the Image am I missing? If I ignore Krissy, I miss a sweetness and openness. If I ignore richard, I miss a pride in work done well and an honesty that is cutting but without malice. If I ignore Christian, I miss a humility and strength. But, most importantly, I miss a person. And no soul is too small to overlook; except, perhaps, those who have withered their own souls in the name of "objectivity."

Hope for Terri Schiavo

I have been remiss in not blogging about this fight. There are several reasons for that, but I won't go into them now.

The important thing is that Terri has hope now. http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/20/schiavo/index.html

The government is finally fighting to protect one of its own innocent citizens. Mrs. Schiavo has done nothing wrong except getting married to a slimeball who is trying to murder her--despite the fact that her mother is willing and able to care for her--while living with his current girlfriend.

If the government wants to kill one of its citizens, then there's a prime target.

But now there's hope for Terri, and hope for anyone who doesn't want the government--or even their doctor!-- to decide whether they live or die. I hope that I never have to be given "heroic medical treament," and I hope that whoever was with me in that situation would know that I don't support it, and am willing for nature to take its course.

But food and water, even when given through a feeding tube, are not heroic treatment. Would Terri die without the feeding tube? Yes. But anyone would die without food!

I had an acquaintance in childhood who got VERY sick, and had to be on a feeding tube. Just because she couldn't feed herself, should we kill her?

Terri is responsive, and seems to be at least a little bit aware of what is happening to her. But even if she wasn't, who are we to decide that her life is not worth living? She's not in pain, and has people who love her. We can have no judgement about it.

And ultimately, even Terri herself has no right to decide to end her own life. Because the life is not her own, it is a gift. If she cannot give life to herself, then she has no right to throw it away.

But fortunately, it looks like her right to life will be protected. Thanks be to God, someone stepped in and did something.

Which poem are you? Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll Oh, you're silly! People probably think you're a bit kooky, but those nuts just don't realize that you've got a language all your own. But hey, you always bring a smile to people's faces.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

New Blog!!

www.visiblepersonality.blogspot.com

This is my new blog. It's for all you people out there who are tired of being forced into certain fashion paradigms, and have decided to break out and make your own style, and it's especially for those who LITERALLY make their own style: Yes, my friend, those of you who design and sew your own clothes.

So visit the blog! Let me know what you think!

Also, if someone can help me figure out how to post pictures on it, that'd be great. *sheepish grin* Yeah.

What Is This Thing of Eatable Goodness??

I.E., Joi had learned how to make homemade pasta, and in doing so has discovered that it's cheaper, tastes better, and is more filling than store-bought pasta. And it's fun to make.

So, if any Biola area people are reading this, and want pasta, just ask: I'll be happy to provide you with a bag of it. Hopefully I'll figure out how to make my own sauce, soon!

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. That's what happens when you're working full-time!

Not much to say at the moment, at least, not stuff I want to go into on a public blog. Some confusing and frustrating stuff, some encouraging stuff...

Oh, and I get to be Clerk for the Vestry at church now. I have a box in the church office and everything!! Very scary, but should be fun. All three of the previous job holders recommended me for the job, so Father David offered it to me. Hard to fight that kind of recommendation! So yeah, I'm on the Vestry now. SCARY!!

There is no scent in the world that sparks as much anticipation and yearning as that of an approaching rainstorm.

About Long Hair


I love my hair. I actually do. I hated it for a long time...until I grew it out. I grew it out due to an abstract principle: "A woman's hair is her glory." I never believed that, until I hung out with a bunch of girls who had long hair. I discovered that no-one noticed your face or body very much when you have really long hair. And long hair really is a glory to a woman. So I grew it out. And I could not be happier.

I love that fact that I have to be careful how I sit so that I don't catch my hair on the back of a chair.

I love that my hair flows over the back of chairs.

I love that I can tuck a bit of my hair into the back of my jeans.

I love the way my hair flows over and around my face when I walk.

I love that people have started to make comments about how long my hair is getting.

I love that I have to learn new ways to treat my hair now that it's in the category of "longer than average" hair.

Now Reviewing...


The End is Here by Five Iron Frenzy.

A little bit of background. FIF is an immensely popular Christian ska band. They recently decided to call it quits, and went on one last tour. The album for the tour was called The End Is Near. It was later packaged with a recording of their last concert in their home town of Denver, and the whole thing is called The End Is Here.

To begin with: I will review all or most of the songs on the End Is Near album, and finish with a review of the End Is Here concert recording. But I'll not do it all at once because long blogposts are annoying.

So. The first song is:

1. Cannonball

Wind passes right through my skin as I fall down, this furious speed will only destroy me.
Crippling and devastating momentum, approaching maximum velocity.
And this is how it's going to be, the point of it all.
'Cause this is what was meant for me, recklessly I fall.

Hulking, smashing, I come crashing, nothing like when I was small.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.
That feeble coward that you knew, has undergone an overhaul.
I am unstoppable, I am the cannonball.

Thirty-two feet per second I increase, as the exponents will multiply.
I'll never stop to look back behind me, cutting through the bright blue sky.
And this is how it's meant to be, untethered I will soar.
I'll barrel towards the earth below, it's what I was made for.

And everyone will say it's just an accident, like some mishap or a tragedy.
I think that failure has a purpose, and I don't believe it's chance if I fall.
And I know that if I ever do fall, He will catch me.
And if He ever lets me fall down, for the good of those who believe Him,
He will make me into a cannonball.

Unblemished, and faultless. A burning luminescence.
Unequaled precision, beyond your scope of vision.
Cannonball.

Music: Dennis, Leanor and Reese
Words: Reese

A good song musically, though not one of their all-time best. The song deals with the inevitability of failure, and the knowledge that God uses even our falls. It is an acceptance of this knowledge and a willingness to sacrifice self if something can be made of that sacrifice. It's a theme that runs through the whole album: a sadness of sorts at what could be perceived as failure, but the knowledge that this "failure" is really an act of God, working out His plan.

I'm not going to review song 2 on the album, "At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys." It's a funny song, and entertaining, but there's not too much to say about it.

3. So Far, So Bad

We thought we'd write a song about all of the problems inherent in the industry,
it was going to be an exposé written in unblemished symmetry.
We were going to have our glorious exit, an admonition and an encore,
we were going to make a point to the whole world, but no one wants to hear it anymore.
Don't worry what this song would say, you'll never hear it anyway.

They won't play this song on the radio, so far, so bad, that's how it goes.
They'll pull our records from the shelves, so far, so bad, that's how it goes.

The rhyme scheme to this song was mostly flawless, it might have made good poetry.
It could have bridged the gap between the classes, and overthrown the bourgeoisie.
It made a couple points about the future, and how the past was kind of uncool,
and if you ever tried to play it backwards, it told the kids to stay in school.

I thought I'd write an epiphany, how something good is changing me, but I guess we dodged some passing fad, it looks like it's so far, so bad. This song is rad. You could ask your dad. He won't be mad. This song is stupid.

Music: Dennis and Reese Words: Reese

This is one of my favorite songs on the album. It's musically interesting, and defies any attempt to restrict it to a certain genre. It's also humorous, because FIF never gets played on Christian radio stations! I have yet to hear one of their songs play on any Christian station. I'm not sure why; maybe the market for ska isn't considered big enough. Who knows?

4. New Years Eve

It's New Years Eve and I'm full of empty promises, I half pretend to keep this time, just like last year.
The band is loud and I'm wandering the shadows, wishing I was never here. I persevere.

A crowded room, these whitewashed tombs,
they raise their glasses high, they kiss the past goodbye.

This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow. My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe,
this New Years Eve, will turn out better than before,
I'm holding on, still holding out, until they close the door... on me.

It's New Years Eve and I feel my insecurities, are haunting me like ghosts, this sinking quicksand.
And then with thunderous praise and lofty adoration, a second passes by, yet nothing changes.

I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in. Another change of years, and I wish I wasn't here.
A year goes by and I'm staring at my watch again,
and I dig deep this time, for something greater than I've ever been, life to ancient wineskins.
And I was blind but now I see.

This New Years Eve, something must change me inside,
I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired.
This New Years Eve, I'm waiting for tomorrow.
My heart is on my sleeve, and yes I still believe, in You.

Music: Dennis and Reese Words: Reese

I didn't like this song much the first time I heard it. I didn't dislike it, I just didn't care. But after listening to it several times, it's become a very meaningful song to me. Let me take a few lines, just to illustrate:

"It's New Years Eve and I'm full of empty promises, I half pretend to keep this time, just like last year.

The band is loud and I'm wandering the shadows, wishing I was never here. I persevere.

A crowded room, these whitewashed tombs,

they raise their glasses high, they kiss the past goodbye. "

Naturally, it's better with the music. But even the lyrics alone are powerful. Who hasn't felt this way at some point, watching everyone pretending to start over, and knowing that we'll all still carry our baggage with us? Do we hang on to the past as a lesson, a treasure, or do we ditch it in hopes that we can become better? And is the choice up to us?

"It's New Years Eve and I feel my insecurities, are haunting me like ghosts, this sinking quicksand.
And then with thunderous praise and lofty adoration, a second passes by, yet nothing changes. "

There's always a bit of a letdown when the new year hits, and nothing feels any different (depending, of course, on how much champagne you've been drinking!). In a way, every second begins a new year, and in the same way, there really are no new years, only new moments that we can use to change in small ways, hoping to become better eventually.

" I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in. Another change of years, and I wish I wasn't here.
A year goes by and I'm staring at my watch again,
and I dig deep this time, for something greater than I've ever been, life to ancient wineskins.
And I was blind but now I see. "

I love that line: "I hate my skin, this grave I'm standing in." This flesh is corruptible, and it is a grave. That is not to say that it is evil, for it will be redeemed and resurrected, but right now it is very much like a grave.

It's hard to change. It's unpleasant, and difficult, and confusing. But without change, there is no life.