Thinking about Beauty
I've been thinking about beauty a bit lately. For most of my life, I have been unable to really look at my reflection in a mirror. I mean, I could look enough to do the basic things like put on makeup, but I didn't like it, and couldn't meet and hold my own gaze. I really despised my own image. But...Now I can look at myself. And I'm beginning to see maybe the smallest hint of beauty there.
I hestiate even to say that much, and want to immediately unsay it; it still seems to me like horrible pride, and that it couldn't be true. But it is. And it's not just the physical aspect, though goodness knows that's changed enough in the past 5 years. I don't know whether I've changed that much in the past year or so, or if it's just my perceptions that have changed.
Is there the tiniest chance that I could end up being beautiful? I don't know. Part of me doesn't think so...but part...the part that wants to be a Saint...thinks it might just be possible.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come under my roof, but speak the word only and my soul shall be healed.