Sunday, February 26

Hard thoughts:

1. On a recent wedding between two acquaintances: everyone is really happy about it, and I suppose I am too...But I'm also getting to know another person whom the wedding kinda concerns, and...I don't know. I don't know all the reasons for what happened and why, and I don't really want to know because it's none of my business. But...still. There's a bit of a shadow there. I wish the new couple all kinds of happiness, but I also see a lot of pain that's still floating around. May God do what is best.

2. I find myself being fairly irate about a friend of mine more than I should. I think it's because she is always so dratted CERTAIN about everything; about what's right and wrong, about what should be done, about what God is doing and saying...Not that there's anything wrong with that, sometimes makes it very hard to dialogue, and for a fundamentally uncertain person like myself, it can be very very frustrating to see someone that certain all the time.

Also, there's a certain jealousy too. I wish I knew what God is doing in my life; I haven't a clue. That something is happening, I'm fairly sure of, but I almost never know what it is. I almost never know what God is "telling" me to do; if He is specifically telling me things, I'm not hearing it. Trying very hard, but not hearing anything other than my own internal dialogue. And I can't tell whether I'm more frustrated at her for being so certain all the time, or because she has a relationship with God of a type that I have never had, and do not seem structured to be able to have.

1 comment:

Marcy said...

Keep in mind that there are some people (usually "J"s, I think) who are very opinionated (er, um, "certain" -- that sounds better), who aren't necessarily *right* about all the things they're certain about. They may think they know, but they may be wrong. They may be ignoring the shades of gray. On the other hand, they may be right -- but I'm pretty sure they're not right about all of it!