Monday, April 26

Thoughts on singleness:

At the moment, I am committed to being a single person. Maybe the right person will come along eventually; I won't deny that'd be nice. But I've wasted too much time rushing after every nice person to want to spend any more time on that. Enough is enough. Time to live.

So, some thoughts about this whole "single" thing:

1. Churches really need to rethink their adolescent "True Love Waits" thing. (Before I proceed with this, let me state: abstinence or monogamy are the only options. Any other way is trouble. ) Think about it: a large number of Christian kids, being instructed to wait for sex till marriage. Great! It's a great lesson. HOWEVER: think about the numbers. There are far more women in churches than men: Christians are expected to marry other Christians: where does that leave the girls who can't find Christian men? Today's Christian girls need to be told: Marriage is more than sex, and singleness is more than celibacy. Celibacy needs to be discussed as a valid lifestyle, not only for nuns or freaks. Lifelong singleness does not mean that a girl is not wanted or has never been loved, neither does it mean that she is afraid of love or sex. It just happens that way sometimes.

2. Singleness is not boring! Many in the conservative Evangelical church (my own background and heritage) would seem to think that marriage is the only way to be really happy; if someone is lonely or unhappy, they simply need to get married. The expectation is that everyone will marry. This is patently untrue. The divorce rate among this demographic group indicated that marriage does not solve all problems; many marriages end in divorce. The single does not have to worry about adapting his life to someone else's, nor about making the bed if she doesn't feel like it (I admit, I haven't made my bed in years; I still do not see the point of it if no-one else is going to see my bed!). The single is more free to travel, spend money, work longer hours, give time to volunteer work, etc. In fact, singleness can be a great opportunity to learn the old art of hospitality!

3. Singleness is not the golden road to happiness. Much of the surrounding culture is dedicated to telling people that singleness is the best lifestyle available. After all, you can live as you please, spend your money how you please, and you have no ties to anyone! The downside, of course, is that you have no-one to tell you what you may need to hear, no-one to help when finances get tough, and no ties to anyone. Singleness gets tough, especially on those long nights when all you want is someone to hold you and tell you that everything is alright. Singleness is not the path to happiness.

4. Reach out. Make friends, lots of them. Make friends, a small close circle that you can really count on. Make friends, at work, church, school, and in your neighborhood. Reach out.

5. Let others reach out to you. Many singles get so independant that they no longer know how to let others help them. Allow yourself to be helped; you like helping your friends: they probably enjoy helping you just as much.

comments: e-mail

No comments: