This one is FRIGHTENINGLY ACCURATE:

Your Birthdate: July 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

A Live Coal in the Sea

I have been a fan of Madeleine L'Engle's since the moment I read the first sentence of Wrinkle in Time ("It was a dark and stormy night."), when I was about 10. I have read almost every book of hers I could get my hands on, and she has influenced my life and thought more than probably any other author.

So, when I was browsing in the library, and saw A Live Coal in the Sea, I decided to check it out. I was delighted to find, from reading the inner flap, that it concerned Camilla Dickinson, the heroine of an earlier L'engle book (Camilla: and be sure to read Camilla before Live Coal: otherwise the characters are a little harder to get used to. Camilla is a short, easy read). I began reading the book one night, thinking to start it and read until I got sleepy, then finish it in the morning.

I finished it, wiping away tears, at 2:30 am.

L'Engle is a powerful writer, but she is rarely in such amazing form. I don't think I have ever seen a clearer portrait of the grief that one person's selfishness and sin can cause to a family over several generations, nor a clearer picture of the grace and mercy of God in transforming such a situation.

The title comes from a quote from a source whose name I do not remember: “All the evil that man has ever conceived or done is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal to the sea.”

Selah.

UGH.

Out of job leads. Out of money. In debt up to my ears. Got phone bill to pay. Didn't get much back from safety deposit on old apartment. And grandma is expecting me to start school again and move out in the fall.

I hate this.

STING - Brand new day - Front

STING - Brand new day - Front
Originally uploaded by LostLuthien.

Watching Music Videos at Work


Hooray for little free music video sites that let me listen to musc at work!

However, I've discovered that for some videos, I just have to stop work and watch. 2 in particular:

1. enya's Carribbean Blue. Just a lovely video.

2. Sting's "Desert Rose" because Sting is really hot. And I don't normally say that. But he is. Check out the posted photo for proof of this fact.

Yep.


Just a random thought.

The Most Discouraging Thing in the World:

Going home after a day of staring at the computer screen in your temp job, realizing that your apartment has lost any sense of "home," eating week-old leftovers for dinner with only your former roommate's sleepy hamster for company. Then add packing up all your stuff even though you really have nowhere to go, and the radio starting to play U2's "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own."

Yeah. It's been a great day.

Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff You’re telling me and anyone You’re hard enough You don’t have to put up a fight You don’t have to always be right Let me take some of the punches For you tonight Listen to me now I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone Sometimes you can’t make it on your own We fight all the time You and I… that’s alright We’re the same soul I don’t need… I don’t need to hear you say That if we weren’t so alike You’d like me a whole lot more Listen to me now I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone Sometimes you can’t make it on your own I know that we don’t talk I’m sick of it all Can - you - hear - me – when – I - Sing, you’re the reason I sing You’re the reason why the opera is in me… Where are we now? I’ve got to let you know A house still doesn’t make a home Don’t leave me here alone... And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you that makes it hard to let go Sometimes you can’t make it on your own Sometimes you can’t make it The best you can do is to fake it Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

Job interview tomorrow (Monday)!!!!!!!!!

Please pray that it goes well: I really really REALLY want this job!!!!

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 86% Neo orthodox 82% Roman Catholic 79% Fundamentalist 54% Emergent/Postmodern 46% Reformed Evangelical 36% Classical Liberal 29% Charismatic/Pentecostal 25% Modern Liberal 18% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com I find it funny that those three are my top scores....I mean, Wesleyan, Orthodox, and Catholic? That's funny.

Memorial Day

My Memorial Day was great. Very ordinary, but lots of fun. Got a call from a friend at 9am to join him at Denny's for coffee and ice cream, so I hopped in the car and got there around 10. We chatted for awhile, simply being silly, then headed back to his house and played with the cat for a few minutes and watered the yard before hanging out by the pool for several hours. Eventually we managed to pry ourselves away long enough to head to the grocery store where we bought a feast: hot dog buns, weiners, and chipotyle mustard. We went back to lounging around the pool for awhile longer, waiting for the grill to heat up, and ate lunch around 4. We finally went inside, because I got sunburned rather badly, and talked there for awhile. Went back outside to watch the sunset, played guitar, and talked. Watched the stars come out till about 10:30. Saw a shooting star, a satellite, and what might have been a military aircraft. Both got sleepy, so I went home around 10:45.

Very nice ordinary relaxing day. Thanks be to God for good friends!

Cool blog I've just started reading: www.fixed-intent.blogspot.com

Informationi

Joi Weaver is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Stolen from Liz's blog, who stole it from K. White, who stole it from.....You get the idea. I also stole some of the answers from Liz because they were good answers, and I'm just lazy like that.

100 questions

1. Full Name: If you don't know this, and you're reading my blog, I'm not telling you
2. Nick name: Joi, Joy-to-the-Weaver, Joyful, Hey You
4. Place of Birth: Fort Worth, Texas
5. Zodiac Sign: Cancer
6. Male or Female: guess
7. Grade: A
8. School: Biola
9. Occupation: cashier, research assistant, librarian
10. Location: Los Angeles, baby!
11. Screen Names: B8tsyJoi, tinidril_of_perelandra, Lone Jedi

__YOUR APPEARANCE___
12. Hair Color: um..hair-colored hair...Not sure what you'd call this.
13. Hair Length: almost to my waist. Woo! Just a few more feet to go!
14. Eye Color: Even my optometrist cannot answer this. Grayish-greenish-blue.
15. What eye color would you want: purple. But I'm kinda starting to really like the current color of my eyes.
16. Height: 5'6"?
17. What height would you rather be: I like my height, actually. I can reach most top shelves, but most guys are still taller than me. A happy medium.
18. Shoe Size: What are these "shoes" of which you speak?
19. Braces: nope
20. Glasses: When I'm not wearing my contacts
21. Piercings: ears
22. Tattoos: I have an allergy to metal, and possibly to ink as well. Not going to risk it. Besides, I'd get bored with an unchangeable design. It's all about the henna, baby.
23. Righty or Lefty: Mostly righty, but my left hand is pretty talented.

___YOUR FiRSTS___
24. What was the question? I don't know, but I'm sure the answer was 42!
((Where did question 25 go?))
26. First best friend: Probably the kid next door in Ft. Worth. I've forgotten his name...Shane, I think?
27. First Award: For best Bible memory, in VBS, when I was about 5. Wow. That was a while back.
28. First Sport You Joined: archery
29. First Pet: a very tolerant black and white cat
30. First Vacation: not a clue.
31. First Concert: Oh gosh, do I have to admit it? Carman. Yeah. Well, depends on what kind of concert you mean. Our town sponsored Community Concerts with unknown artists, and I went to lots of those as a kid.
32. First Love: see #26.

___ FAVORITES___
33. Movie: I can't pick just one!!! But if I had to....yeesh...Maybe Lord of the Rings? Maybe?
34. TV Show: Tough call between Firefly, Babylon 5, Futurama, the Simpsons, King of the Hill, Stargate, and Alias.
35. Color: the richest purple imaginable
36. Bands: Five Iron Frenzy, Leftover Salmon, Nickelback, Horustorus, getting to like Blind Guardian
37. Song: ?? Just one?? not a chance. (current favorite might be We Used to Be Friends, by the Dandy Warhols)
38. Food: dunno
39. Drink: dunno
40. Candy: yeesh, specializaton is for insects! Vive Variety!
41. Sport To Play: archery
42. Sport To Watch: baseball
43. Brand Of Clothing: Joi Weaver originals
44. Store: Art Supply Warehouse. Or Borders. Or Savers
45. School Subject: depends on the specific class and the teacher. Torrey in general, I guess...Classics.
46. Animal: Dragon and unicorn!
47. Book: Not a chance in hell of me picking just one. Not even within a genre. Not even a favorite genre!

___CURRENTLY___

49. Eating: Nothing. The librarians would shoot me.
50. Drinking: Nothing. See above.
51. Typing: umm........
53. Listening To: Joy to the World, by Three Dog Night ( *busts out singing* "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!")
54. Thinking About: Um...How many skips I have left on Launchcast radio at the moment....
55. Wanting To: SLEEP
56. Watching: my cursor move across the screen as I type this
57. Wearing: Don't you wish you knew! (Black tank top, black "goth sleeves", long green swishy skirt made from a tablecloth, black slip-on shoes, burgundy squashy hat)

___YOUR FUTURE___

58. Want Kids: maybe
59. Want to Get Married: I'm fine with either getting married or being single
60. Careers in Mind: research assistant


__WHiCH iS BETTER WiTH THE OPPOSiTE SEX___

67. Cute or Sexy: Cute.
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: Again, what's with this having to choose??
70. Short or Tall: Tall. Short people have WAY too much energy
71. Easygoing or serious: both
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Yes
73. Fatty or Skinny: I don't much care, but I seem to fall for skinny geeks quite a bit.
74. Sensitive or Loud: Who says the two are mutually exclusive?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: caring
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Both.


___HAVE YOU EVER___

78. Kissed a Stranger: no
79. Drank Alcohol: yes
80. Smoked: nope
81. Ran Away From Home: nope
82. Broken a Bone: no
83. Got an X-ray: several times, for my teeth
84. Broke Up With Someone: no
85. Broken Someone's Heart: not that I know of
86. Turned Someone Down: nope
87. Cried When Someone Died: I think so....
88. Cried At School: yes


___DO YOU BELIEVE IN___

89. God: yes
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love At First Sight: that's a little more complex...I think so...
92. Ghosts: Sort of
93. Aliens: Yes, actually.
94. Soul Mates: um...not sure...lots of little red Symposium flags go up when I hear the term....
95. Heaven: yes
96. Hell: yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: ???? How is this a thing to believe in????
99. Horoscopes: nope, but they're a hoot to read!

___ANSWER TRUTHFULLY___

100. Is There Someone You Want Right Now But Cant Have? Um...Don't know about "can't," per se.....

The Wolf Spirit You scored 730 Spirit!

You are a Wolf Spirit. You feel you are connected with the cosmos, and are fascinated by the moon. You are very agile. Wolf spirits have a lot of friends, and are very smart.

And here we go again...

Yeah, still dealing with my friends leaving. Some days I do ok with it, some days not so much so. But it was a good bit of comfort to discuss it with my spiritual director the other day. While talking with her, I finally grew convinced of something. Even now, it seems weird and prideful to say this, but I think it's true.

I used to think that I shouldn't have abandonment issues, since my parents never divorced and my mom stayed at home with myself and my sister. Usually it's kids whose parents have split up or worked constantly that have these issues, so I've always assumed I was just kidding myself. But maybe it's healthy to admit that I have these issues, rather than continually denying them, assuming that I shouldn't have them. If I have these issues, then they're there, regardless of how they got there.

I am so tired of friends leaving. They always leave. When I was little, all my friends moved away from Fort Worth; I was the last one to leave. We moved to Hereford, and went to First Baptist church there. I made friends and enjoyed it. Then we started going to another church, and I didn't see my friends after that. My best friend, the pastor's daughter, never spoke to me again. After a few years at the other church, we switched back, and I began to make friends again. The previous church had been terrible, and I was horribly lonely. The youth pastor and his wife at FBC were wonderful people, and did a lot to make me feel welcome. Then, just over a year after moving back to that church, we moved to Dumas, and I lost all my friends over again. I never made too many friends in Dumas, I was too odd, and wasn't particularly acceptable. Of the friends I did make, I rarely speak to any of them.

I came to college and made a new group of friends. Who, for some reason, decided to stop talking to me and including me about 2 years later. So I made another group of friends. Who stabbed me in the back, and decided that I wasn't worth talking to when I wasn't of any use. So I moved to another group of friends, who are all now leaving. They say they'll stay in contact, but I have my doubts. Actually, the doubts are all I have. I simply don't believe that it's true. I've seen what happens to college friendships when you no longer live close by: the other person becomes just a name on a mass-produced Christmas letter that you get in February. If they're an especially good friend, you might see a little hand-written note at the bottom of the mass-produced letter.

Bitter? Yeah, a little. I think what gets to me the most is this: In Torrey, one of the big focuses is community. So everybody learns the importance of community, and blathers about it nonstop, about how they're going to build community in the areas they move to...But no-one stays to preserve the community here. I'm not saying that everyone has to stay--that would be a bit counter-productive. But it seems like no-one stays. And I know that my priorities are different from other people's: the other day, one of my friends mentioned that there's nothing for her here anymore, except church and a few friends. Church and a few friends are my main reasons for staying here, so that reply caught me a little off-guard.

And this post is now far too long, so I'll stop here.

Wow, I'm...agitated today. Having trouble sitting still. Hmmm........

More reason for me to find a good job SOON


I have just been invited to spend a week in New York discussing a Plato dialogue with one of the world's most eminent Plato scholars...I REALLY wanna go! It would only cost $250 for airfare, plus a little bit of food. With a job, no problem. Without a job, not gonna happen.

PLEASE pray that my job situation gets settled soon!

Good news on the way?

Maybe....

Got a lead on a great job that's similar to what I do now, which would leave me with the flexible hours to attend mid-week Mass. Woo!

And another REALLY happy thing happened. But I'm not going to blog about that one....yet. Ha!

Current mood: tired
Current song to express mood:

I Don't Want to Be, by Gavin Degraw

"I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son
I don’t need to be anything other than a specialist’s son
I don’t have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from

(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

I’m surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I’m surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one to notice?
I can’t be the only one who’s learned

(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone’s attention please
If you're not like this and that
You’re gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay to stone
And now I’m telling everybody

(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be
I don’t want to be"

Hehehehehe. This post on Sharon Ferguson's site made me really happy. Liz, you will get a kick out of this.

(this doesn't seem to have posted properly....let's try again....)

A thought:

Do we have "spiritual senses" that correspond to our physical senses? Or are our physical senses deeper than we ever realized? Or are they both one thing that's different from what we usually imagine?

For instance:

I have always envied the people I know who have long conversations with God. My conversations always seem to end up very one-sided, with me desperately trying to listen to God, and never being able to distinguish His voice from all the other floating around in my head.

But then, one day, when I was trying harder than usual to listen, and getting nowhere, I was hit with a very specific thought: I can't hear. I've never heard well. I have a very difficult time listening to classical music because I simply do not distinguish sounds well. It's not that my physical hearing is bad, it's just that my brain isn't wired to process sound very well. With practice, I can attend to music and sound a little better, but it's not natural for me.

But seeing is. I'm very visually acute; symbolic colors and images are very much a second language to me, and I speak it fluently. Almost all of my major communications from God have been in the form of image or story. I have "visual conversations," for lack of a better term, all the time. It's not that God hasn't been telling me things; He has. But He's been silent, because I do not hear well.

So again, do our physical senses correspond to spiritual senses(or metaphysical senses, if you like) ? Are they both part of one thing?

Why did we stop talking to people?

Most people in any given department store won't talk to, or even look at, the janitorial staff, or the stockroom staff.

At my former library job, I'm not sure how many of the student workers took the time to talk to Tony or Richard, the copier repair guys. Did they even know their names?

My roommate, who is in a Figurative Drawing class, tells me that the prof generally doesn't talk to the models and the students rarely hear their names.

In my drawing class, I was fortunate to have a professor who insisted on talking to the models, getting to know them, and encouraging the students to do the same. As a result, we all walked away with a fondness of the models, and a profound respect for them. The prospect of looking at them "objectively" bothers me. Can I actually draw Carlos without caring about his love of photography? Can I protray Erl without smiling at his quirky sense of humor? Can I sketch Donna without knowing her regality and nobility? I might draw the forms accurately, but they will have no soul.

All people carry the Image of God, the Imago Dei. If I refuse to talk to some people just because they have a "lower" job than myself, what bit of the Image am I missing? If I ignore Krissy, I miss a sweetness and openness. If I ignore richard, I miss a pride in work done well and an honesty that is cutting but without malice. If I ignore Christian, I miss a humility and strength. But, most importantly, I miss a person. And no soul is too small to overlook; except, perhaps, those who have withered their own souls in the name of "objectivity."