8 Simple rules for watching a movie in a shared living room:

1. DO NOT walk in on the movie halfway through, and continually ask the person watching it to tell you what's going on. JUST WATCH THE FREAKIN' FILM! The person will not mind if you do so, at least not as much as she minds constantly pausing to explain. This goes doubly so if the person watching the movie has never seen said movie before.

2. DO NOT constantly ask what's going on when you've been watching the movie from the beginning. More than likely, the film itself will answer your questions--that's kind of the point. If you don't understand after it's over, then you can ask questions. If you just want a few sentence summary of the film, go read IMDB.

3. DO NOT constantly come through the room, talking loudly or making a lot of noise. The person watching the movie wants to be able to hear it. If you find that they are continually turning the volume up, you are being too loud. (NOTE: This only applies if the person watching the film was there first. If the person talking was there first, the movie-watcher is being rude and gets what she deserves.)

4. DO NOT mock the movie if you notice that the person watching it appears moved by the story.

5. DO NOT talk about bad effects on classic movies. Nobody cares. All past effects are bad by the most recent standards. The Red-Sea-peeling-back on The Ten Commandments is still cool, regardless of looking a little funny.

6. DO NOT mock the acting style in classic movies. A different acting style was in vogue at the time; they would have considered today's actors terrible. Just get in the mindset of the time. It's not that hard.

7. FOREIGN FILMS AND ART FILMS are just weird. Do not ask the person attempting to watch them to explain it. Even if they like it, they won't be able to explain why. If you don't get it, just accept it, and be quiet.

8. IF you don't like the movie, just leave. Don't mock it, complain about it, or try to drown it out. Go read a book. (Again, only applies when the movie-watcher was there first)

Entering the Labyrinth

I just went to see Pan's Labyrinth with two of my best friends. Pan's Labyrinth is a foreign film, all the dialogue is in Castillian Spanish (lovely langauge!), and it is a combination war story/fantasy film.

I'm still processing this movie. It's been compared, in terms of emotional impact and brutality, to Schindler's List, and the comparison is not unwarranted. It's not quite so much so as SL, but close enough.

The requirements for watching this film are:

1. A strong stomach. If you can watch Schindler's List, you'll be fine. If you can't handle Schindler's List, watch Pan's Labyrinth at your own risk.
2. An appreciation for good fantasy (MacDonald, Gaiman, etc)
3. A willingness to believe in fairies.

Most reviews of the film spin it as a young girl in war-torn Spain who creates her own fantasy world to escape to. That's a valid interpretation of the film, up to a point; the first half of the movie is unclear about whether or not these fantastic things that Ofelia experiences are real or the product of her active imagination. But at a certain point (the mandrake root screaming) it becomes clear that there is at least a real connection between the two worlds. From that point on, the physical events become harder to explain if Ofelia's world is not real.

It seemed to me that the film had several strong themes: courage, parents and children, humility, and sacrifice. Sometimes the themes ran seperately, but they often seemed to come together into a larger theme (meta-theme?). Specifically, one of the themes seemed to be the courage necessary to willing undergo the humility and sacrifices of being a parent. (All credit on these thoughts go to Rachel Motte, who brought them up. Rachel, blog about the movie soon, I want to hear more!) The viewer is shown a mother without the courage to go through loneliness for her daughter's sake, a son who cannot bear to hear any mention of his father--a man who could die well, and a daughter who will give up everything for her baby brother.

The tagline for the film sums it up the best: "Innocence has a power that Evil cannot imagine." Pan's Labyrinth allows evil to do its worst, and doesn't pull any punches. But it also shows the efficacy of innocence, and leaves the viewer amazed at the power released by sacrifice.

This could become a new favorite website.... http://www.etiquettegrrls.com/pages/home.html

If you like Go Fug Yourself, you'll like The Etiquette Grrrls.

Thoughts on Ecclesiastes:

"3: 9. What gain has the worker from his toil?
10: I have seen the business that God has given to the sons of men to be busy with.
11: He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has put eternity into man's mind, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
12: I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live;
13: also that it is God's gift to man that every one should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil.
14: I know that whatever God does endures for ever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it; God has made it so, in order that men should fear before him."

I used to read this passage with great confusion.Verse 12 does not seem like what you expect to find in the Bible. And hasn't the Teacher just stated that pursuing pleasure is folly?

And then today I realized something: the Teacher is right. Because pursuing pleasure does not bring happiness, nor, in the end, even pleasure. What does make men happy? Walking with God, doing justice, making an honest living, and loving those around them. Man is not happy without God. Man is not happy without work.

There really is a time for everything. A time to work, and a time to rest. A time for fasting, and a time for feasting. We go from one to the other, spring turning to summer, then to fall, and winter, and then back again. Advent becoming Epiphany, then moving to Lent, Easter, Pentecost, and back again. We laugh, cry, rejoice, sigh, rage, and fear. And it is good. Human life, in its smallness and ordinariness, is good. It can be holy, if we so wish. It is mundane, of the earth, and like the earth, it is immense and grand as the ocean, and as small and humble as a grain of sand.

And it's ok that nothing makes sense, or really holds together. Nothing we do or see ever will. And that's alright. That's the way things are (though not how they were meant to be.) We can grieve for what was, what should have been, and give thanks that God did not leave us to it, and that His works are eternal, and He will preserve what is to be perserved.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away: blessed be the name of the Lord.

As per tradition:



My New Year's Resolutions:

1. Try to do a yoga routine at least once a week.
2. Eat more vitamins
3. Cook more.
4. Learn to tailor my clothing more (a feat that will be assissted by my NEW DRESS FORM!!!!!!!)
5. Improve my penmanship
6. Improve conversation skills
7. Read more non-fiction.

How Can I Keep From Singing?



Sorry for taking so long to blog again, everybody, things have been crazy.

Lately I've been reading Dr. Reynolds' Christmas blog posts; you can read the latest one here.


I get pretty discouraged sometimes. I feel like I'm made almost no progress in shaping my soul. I still have a hard time saving money, eating right, excercizing, and I still have largely terrible taste in music.

But then I look back to myself in high school, and I realize that I have changed. I'm no longer so angry, or so arrogant. I still struggle greatly with despair, and probably always will, but I now have courage to fight that battle and face that despair.

My tastes in music have definately improved: I can watch opera (still can't listen without the staged visuals) and enjoy it, I like the groups Anonymous 4 and Sequentia, and I love Pachelbel's Canon in D(in fact, that peice is a powerful weapon against despair; its order, structure, and simple melody can snap me out of depression.) I even like a little ballet.

I don't really know what any of this means. Sometimes I think the hardest thing about life is that you just have to go out there every day, and do the same thing. You have to do your duty every day, make the right choices everyday, and be an adult everyday.

The temptation to shirk all that is inescapable at times. You just want to make one bad choice, let one duty slide, act childish for a few hours. We're rarely, if ever, allowed to see how those good choices impact our lives, and the lives of those around us. It seems like life just going along like usual. But when we make the wrong choices, we see how important the right ones were.

C.S. Lewis said "No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because he was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means--the only complete realist."

It never feels like a glorious battle. Only a long trudge, fighting against enemies we can't see, and often fighting our own selves.

Yet.....

There is a joy in it all. A song can live in the most downtrodden heart, and all the slings and arrows of fortune cannot take it away.

"My life goes on in endless song
Above earths lamentations,
I hear the real, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation."

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear its music ringing,
It sounds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing? "

While though the tempest loudly roars,
I hear the truth, it liveth.
And though the darkness round me close,
Songs in the night it giveth."

No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that rock Im clinging.
Since love is lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing? "

When tyrants tremble in their fear
And hear their death knell ringing,
When friends rejoice both far and near
How can I keep from singing? "

In prison cell and dungeon vile
Our thoughts to them are winging,
When friends by shame are undefiled
How can I keep from singing?"

Discovery: 8-week old kittens do not like to dance to "Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry.

So...yeah, I haven't posted a while. And I probably won't until the end of November for two reasons:

1. NaNoWriMo. It's November. That means 50,000 words in 30 days.

2. Kidney stones. Which still hurt like all heck. I tried to go to work today, I really did. I made it 3 hours, then had to go home again, and have been sleeping and lounging all day. With Vicodin. Which is lovely stuff, truly.

So, yeah, these combine to make me not want to blog right now. Sorry.

:)

NaNoWriMo!!!


It's National Novel Writing Month!!!! 50,000 words in 30 days! www.nanowrimo.org

This year's story is here: http://sanctusnovel.blogspot.com

Morphus Mystics

The other day, someone made a remark, about how what the mystics say is so "amorphus." I suddenly realized that this was, in fact, entirely not true. What the mystics see and talk about is thouroughly solid and real; it is, to be precise, words that are too amorphus (see C.S. Lewis, Perelandra). It's akin to the argument that monastics are escaping from the real world into seclusion and idealism. The whole thing hinges upon what is truly real. If God is real, then the mystics and monastics are realistic. If God is not real, then Wall Street and Madison Avenue are realistic.

One cleric was known to say that becoming a monk allowed him to be at the center of life, rather than at its periphery. As a cynical and hard-headed individual who has been slowly brought into a more mystical way of thinking, I have come to see that this is very true. If I see God more clearly, then I can see everything around me better. If a cloud is in front of the sun, it's a little harder to see the grass.

The mystics are the people with their heads in the clouds, but their feet are very solidly planted on the ground. Because they are focused on God as the root of all being, they can see all beings more clearly.

In addition, if the mystics really were amorphus, they wouldn't all be saying the same things. But they do. They talk about a God who cares, a love that is so real it burns like fire, and a darkness more comforting than the dawn. The more I see and experience, the more I find that they are right. Their map of life, though the road seems to take strange turns and switchbacks, turns out to be more accurate than the Thomas Guides drawn by businessmen who cannot see anything further away than the physical, and so don't even end up seeing the physical world clearly.

It just felt so...right. So timely.

Some of that may have been a circumstance of dates. I first came to this church in October, 2006. I began my infamous 2-year project (the Dante quilt) in October of 2004, and took it to the Diocesan Convention that year...which is when I decided to get confirmed. I finished the quilt and got confirmed in October this year.

So I stood in the church Sunday morning, October 15th, all in white (I'm a sucker for good typeology--it had to be white), and knelt before the bishop. I wish I could remember the prayer he said over me, but I don't. That's ok. I remember the strength of his hands on my head, the warmth of the oil on my brow, the nearness of my church family, the hardness of the stone floor through the cushion I knelt on.

It seems to me that all the sacraments, both major and "minor", are the same thing. They are all marriage, in one form or another. Eucharist, Christ joins us to Himself, and makes us one Body with Him. Baptism, when we are made a part of the Bride of Christ. Holy orders: a union with Christ to the exclusion of human marriage. Last rites: preperation to the union with Christ after death. Marriage: an incarnate icon of God's love for humanity. Ordination: I'm a little fuzzier on the image here, but it seems like it is incarnating the image of the Bridegroom to lead the Bride of Christ forward. And finally, confirmation: an acknowledgement of oneself as a member of the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ. It is a taking of what was given in baptism, and stepping into it fully.

Yes, being confirmed was wonderful, a beautiful thing. In fact, it felt a little...like a wedding.

http://www.xanga.com/k_bubba/521479919/well-im-back.html

A thought: yes, Buffy is often about doing what's right, even when it's difficult (though it must be mentioned that the characters often don't do this).

But what seems to me to be a more interesting aspect is that the characters are engaged in a fight that they will never (in fact, can never) win. There will always be vampires, demons, and hellhounds in the Buffy-verse. There's always another hellmouth.

That seems to me to be a more profound way of thinking: instead of doing what's right when it's hard, it's doing what's right when everything is telling you that it makes no difference. When the battle nevers stops.

Disturbing thoughts

I'm not entirely sure that I know how to make/be friends with people. This bothers me, but I'm beginning to understand why that may be the case:

1. Personality problems: I am fully aware of the fact that I tend to be prickly, awkward, and melancholic. This does not easily lead to friendships.

2. Conflicts of interest: I have odd taste in things. For instance, at the used CD store the other day I bought 4 cds: Voices of Light which is artsy and medieval; I'll Lead You Home by Michael W. Smith, a contemporary Christian album; The Long Black Veil by the Cheiftans (Irish band) with other artists; and The Dirty Boogie by the Brian Setzer Orchestra, which is big band plus rockabilly plus hard rock. So yeah, weird tastes and interests.

3. Sheer lack of practice. I realized the other day that I'd spent the 13 years from age 5 to age 18 without many friends of any kind. In fact, I think I only had one real friendship in that time period, and that one was on-again off-again anyway. I just don't know how to be friends with people very well.

There are all of these people in my life, and I'm desperate to tell them how much I like them and want to be around them, but I find myself incapable of doing so. I simply don't know how to tell them. Some of this fear and shrinking may be due to the fact that for most of my life when I told someone how much I liked them, they tended to not speak to me for years afterward (if ever again). The vast majority of my social memories before college are of not being good enough, or pretty enough, or rich enough, or talented enough, or athletic enough, or with the right taste in movies and music. Of being too intense, too smart, too sad, too ecstatic, too bookish, too large, too individualistic, and too shy.

I am beyond grateful for the love I've found in my friends at college and church, but I'm beginning to think that certain parts of me have been damaged beyond repair: 13 years alone is a very long time. I honestly don't know how to let people in; I've never had to do it before. I don't know how to tell people I love them; I've gotten mostly rejection when I tried before. I don't know how to tell people that I want to spend time with them, because I honestly can't believe that they would want to spend their valuble time with me. That sounds pretentious, but it's true: I've tried to believe it, and can't.

I have always resonated to the line in the Evanesence song My Immortal: "there's just too much that time cannot erase." Is that true? Are these things that can only be healed in heaven? Like a bone that's been broken, and healed crookedly?

Dear God, if you want me to get close to other people, You'll have to break down my defenses Yourself; I can't do it.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come under my roof, but speak the word only and my soul shall be healed.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"What we know is not much. What we don't know is enormous."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Thanks to the Anchoress (www.theanchoressonline.com) for linking to this test.

Trying again...

Yep, the Fashion Blog is back.

I really will try to update it more often.

Pictures of the most beautiful baby in the world can be viewed here: http://comewhatmay.wordpress.com

Yes, I'm biased. It's also true.

I don't normally like babies very much. They cry for no good reason, they never laugh at my jokes, and they look like odd little aliens. But Lucy likes to just look at you, and not cry so much (most of the time), even when she doesn't laugh or smile at jokes she at least as the decency to look at you as if you're the weirdest person in the world, and she's really really pretty.

I am very happy that I get to spend time around Lucy. I've never been around a baby, and it's amazing how fast she grows, and how...individual she is. She's definately her own person, and though she seems to take various traits from her parents, is very very much herself.

Yay Lucy! I can't wait till you're old enough to enjoy elephant jokes!

Brokenness

There are three songs that have been affecting me lately;

1. Bless the Broken Road, by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Chorus:
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Chorus.

2. Sorrow by Bad Religion

Father, can you hear me? How have I let you down?
I curse the day that I was born,And all the sorrow in the world...
Let me take you to the hurting ground,Where all good men are trampled down,
Just to settle a bet that could not be won,Between a prideful father and his son.
Well you guard me now for I can’t see,A reason for this suffering and this long misery.
What if every living soul could be upright and strong? Well, then I do imagine there will be
Sorrow.
Yeah there will be
Sorrow .
And there will be
Sorrow, no more.

When all soldiers lay their weapons down,
Or when all kings and all queens relinquish their crown,
Or when the only true messiah rescues us from ourselves...
It’s easy to imagine there will be
Sorrow.
Yeah there will be
Sorrow .
And there will be
Sorrow, no more.
There will be
Sorrow.
Yeah there will be
Sorrow .
And there will be
Sorrow, no more.

3. On Distant Shores by Five Iron Frenzy

I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair,
and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair.
I have leveled lies so deep, the truth may never find.
And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine.

If mercy falls upon the broken and poor,
Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores.

I have toiled for countless years, and ever felt the cost,
and I've been burned by this world's cold,
like leaves beneath the frost.
On my knees I've crawled to you, bleeding myself dry,
But the price of life is more, then I could ever buy.

If mercy falls upon the broken and poor,
Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores.

And off of the blocks, I was headstrong and proud,
at the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed.
With both eyes fastened tight, yet unscarred from the fight.
Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from it's hilt.
Its funny how these things can slip away, our frail deeds,
the last will wave good-bye. Its funny how the hope will bleed
away, the citadels we build and fortify. Good-bye.

Night came and I broke my stride, I swallowed hard, but never
cried. When grace was easy to forget, I'd denounce the hypocrites,
casting first stones, killing my own. You would unscale my blind
eyes, and I stood battered, but more wise, fighting to accelerate,
shaking free from crippling weight. With resilience surpassed,
I clawed my way to you at last. And on my knees,
I wept at your feet, I finally believed, that you still loved
me.

Healing hands of God's mercy on our unclean souls once again,
Jesus Christ, Light of the world, burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition without beginning or an end.
Here's my heart let it be forever yours,
only you can make every new day seem so new.


My own thoughts: to what extent is brokenness necessary? It seems that I serve a God who prefers to use broken tools. This is both frightening and comforting. I seem to have a break built right in, one that shows no sign of being fixed anytime soon, if at all. Short of a miracle, I will never be able to entirely trust my emotions or perceptions, and the chemical reactions that sometimes go off in my head can affect my reason at times, too. (Fortunately, I still have my stubborness, which has pulled me through more than you might guess.)

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

8.	Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.
9.	And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
10.	Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

God gave Paul a "thorn in the flesh" to keep him from getting too exalted because of the greatness of the revelations given to him. I am not saying that my brokenness is a precursor to great revelations; I highly doubt that! But it does seem to give a picture of God as someone who breaks His tools, so that no-one will be able to doubt who's really doing the work. But He does not ask something that He Himself has not been willing to face; He Himself is broken for us.

So...I won't say "bring it on," because no sane person ever really says that to sorrow and brokenness....but...

May God make me an instrument of His grace. And may He have mercy on my soul, and be my strength in weakness, and my wholeness in being broken.

I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come under my roof, but speak the word only and my soul shall be healed.

Thinking about Beauty

I've been thinking about beauty a bit lately. For most of my life, I have been unable to really look at my reflection in a mirror. I mean, I could look enough to do the basic things like put on makeup, but I didn't like it, and couldn't meet and hold my own gaze. I really despised my own image. But...Now I can look at myself. And I'm beginning to see maybe the smallest hint of beauty there.

I hestiate even to say that much, and want to immediately unsay it; it still seems to me like horrible pride, and that it couldn't be true. But it is. And it's not just the physical aspect, though goodness knows that's changed enough in the past 5 years. I don't know whether I've changed that much in the past year or so, or if it's just my perceptions that have changed.

Is there the tiniest chance that I could end up being beautiful? I don't know. Part of me doesn't think so...but part...the part that wants to be a Saint...thinks it might just be possible.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
I am not worthy that Thou shouldst come under my roof, but speak the word only and my soul shall be healed.

Ok...been a long time...some updates...

Now living in La Habra, HOORAY!!! I have an apartment! And it's PRETTY--no more student living, it's an adult apartment, with the sort of decorating I always wanted; dark rich colors, a big rug, lots and lots of candles, books...Ah yes.

I have a job! It's got to be one of the most random jobs ever, but I am now working for the Red Hat Society. See, I told you it was random. But I like it, a lot. I get to talk to nice people all day in a fairly laid-back office, and I get off at 5pm!

Church; I love my church, more now than ever (in fact, those things may be in my next post). I get to go on Sundays, Thursdays, and Saturdays; I miss going to all of the mid-week Masses, but such are the rigors of being an adult in the working world. Sigh.

Friends: Still havigng some difficulty in that department. I find it really difficult to let people know how much I love. Still too dang shy. Phooey. I am glad to be back in the same area as my friends, though!!

Sewing: still sewing with Mary Kate (Hi Kakie!) and loving it. Last night's emergency sewing session was a lot of fun. And I also made a new skirt last night; it's gray plaid, all textured and stretchy, and all for $1 a yard!

Reading: everything I can get my hands on that's written by Pope John Paul II. Currently working on a book of his quotes and the encyclical Evangelium Vitae (The Gospel of Life). Also about to start a few other encyclicals and a book of his poetry.

(now playing on Yahoo music: Rock Around the Clock. Another great one! And now Every Breath You Take by the Police. I like this one a lot, too. Hmm, I should get it to play Desert Rose by Sting next)

Three Dog Night. Joy to World. Oh yeah baby. I love this song. If I ever got married, I think I would have the chorus to be the recessional. Or at least one of the dances. Something.

Seriously; you can't NOT move to this song!

Hard thoughts:

1. On a recent wedding between two acquaintances: everyone is really happy about it, and I suppose I am too...But I'm also getting to know another person whom the wedding kinda concerns, and...I don't know. I don't know all the reasons for what happened and why, and I don't really want to know because it's none of my business. But...still. There's a bit of a shadow there. I wish the new couple all kinds of happiness, but I also see a lot of pain that's still floating around. May God do what is best.

2. I find myself being fairly irate about a friend of mine more than I should. I think it's because she is always so dratted CERTAIN about everything; about what's right and wrong, about what should be done, about what God is doing and saying...Not that there's anything wrong with that, but....it sometimes makes it very hard to dialogue, and for a fundamentally uncertain person like myself, it can be very very frustrating to see someone that certain all the time.

Also, there's a certain jealousy too. I wish I knew what God is doing in my life; I haven't a clue. That something is happening, I'm fairly sure of, but I almost never know what it is. I almost never know what God is "telling" me to do; if He is specifically telling me things, I'm not hearing it. Trying very hard, but not hearing anything other than my own internal dialogue. And I can't tell whether I'm more frustrated at her for being so certain all the time, or because she has a relationship with God of a type that I have never had, and do not seem structured to be able to have.

Yes, I do plan on posting again. But I'm in the midst of moving. It's going quite well, and the apartment is lovely. But not much time for other things. :) Soon.

My two favorite tv shows are Futurama and The Simpsons (yes, mom, I watch--and love--The Simpsons. Trust me, it's a funny funny show)

I think this is due to three things:

1. Great visual gags. Really really funny stuff. Like Homer traveling in the Suc-U-Bus line when he thinks Marge is cheating on him. Bender, in the throes of a religious conversion, sticking a bumper sticker on the ship that is simultaneously a fish symbol AND an I Robot joke.

2. Great animation (on Futurama, anyway. Simpons isn't great. Not bad, just not great.) Futurama is incredibly well-animated. Lots of cool 3-D stuff blended with 2-d animation, and really terriffic colors.

3. The best part: awesome voice actors. Seriously, Billy West and John DiMaggio are hysterical! Particularly Billy West. I mean, Zoidberg alone would just MAKE Futurama.

Now, after all this, do any of you care? Not a chance. But neither do I. I just love Futurama and the Simpsons.

Fry: My God, what if the secret ingredient is people?
Leela: No, there's already a soda like that - Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. How is it?
Leela: It varies from person to person.

Al Gore: If we don't go back there and make that event happen, the entire universe will be destroyed... And as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

[in the library, absorbing all of Earth's knowledge] Chief Giant Brain: Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands! Ha ha ha ha!

Idealism

I have been accused of being too idealistic. I know for a fact that I AM mostly idealistic; it's part of my basic temperament. I'm one of those people who would either be very idealistic or extremely cynical. I can, and do, flip between the two extremes, but mostly I'm just idealistic.

I have a reputation for being a bit of a dreamer, and hoping for things that won't happen, and vying for ideas that just don't work in the "real world."

But just because something doesn't seem to work is no reason not to stand for it.

No-one thought the Pope's "antiquated" stance on communism, materialism, and birth control would make any difference. They did; he changed the world, because he refused to give in to the "real world."

Now, I am not supporting illusion, nor a distancing from reality. But I think those who say that idealists don't know the real world have, in fact, lost touch with reality.

Reality: The good guys win. Read Revelation.

Reality: Every girl is a princess.

Reality: Love is more powerful than force.

Reality: The fairy tales were right. The story has a happy ending. The exiled King comes back for His bride, and takes her off to His kingdom for ever and ever.

Reality: the Church is One Holy and Apostolic Church, divided though we are outwardly right now. And we are still the Body of Christ, and we will all be united again one day. There is only one Bride. There is only one Body.

Reality: Those who would deny the realities set forth in the Creed and in traditional Christian doctrine can never win. They do not have children (not in big enough numbers), their views are so up to date that they are quickly dated, and in the end the modern doctrines ring shrill and hollow.

So am I idealistic to strive for traditional Christianity? To hope, pray, and work for a united Church? To try to show every girl that she is a princess? To believe in a happy ending? Or is this simply facing up to the Real World?

Many of these cynical views are ways of shutting oneself out from joy, happiness, and love. But Love will work His way in in the end. He cannot be shut out forever.

Vive the idealists!

http://www.sydney.catholic.org.au/events/silverjubilee/slideshow/images/koala-brisbane-nov86.jpg

Follow the link to see one of my all-time favorites pictures. It's just so darn CUTE!

Funny how life works, isn't it?

I am sitting here right now, pulling up the archives of my favorite blogs, from March and April 2005. Why? Because I've been reading a lot about Pope John Paul II (the Great) lately, and...well, I just wanted to re-read what was being said about him when he was dying, dying in front of the eyes of the whole world.

I am not Catholic, nor am I likely to become so (though not for the reasons you might think). He was not "my Pope" in that sense of the word.

But the graces of God are an objective, not subjective thing, and he was indeed Il Papa, the Father.

I miss him.

Ok, so this post is probably going to offend some people, and worry others, but so be it. This is my blog. If you want to write against my views, start your own blog. Then send me the address, 'cause I'll want to read it.

Lately I've been praying the rosary more often. I find it exetremely helpful, as have millions of Christians for millenia before me.

This morning I took a walk around the park, going through most of the rosary as I walked. It was foggy, and damp, and I could hear church bells through the mist. It was great.

Why do I pray the rosary? Several reasons:

1. As stated above, millions of Christians before me have prayed it, and found it "effective" (though I don't like that word). The tradition behind it is grand. Incidentally, it was not imposed by the Church, but a grassroots prayer that finally found acknowledgement at top levels. It's a prayer of the common people.

2. People I value very much personally recommend it, and have found it helpful. These include people at my church, favorite writers, and Pope John Paul II, who has been a hero of mine for many years.

3. I myself find it "effective." Now to explain what I mean by effective. While I do believe that prayer can and does change the world around us through God's grace and power, it also changes me. I shape my very soul through prayer. Some prayers work better than others in that regard. I have always been completely hopeless at spontaneous prayer. Some people are good at it, and it's helpful to them, and I say great. But when I make it a discipline to pray the rosary, I find myself freed immensely: I know what to say, I don't have to fumble for words, or worry about whether what I'm saying is accurate or correct (these are all fine things, but they get in the way of the action of prayer). I find myself free to mediate, letting my mouth ramble on with the familiar sentences. I also find myself changing. More on that below.

One of the common objections to the rosary is the attention that it focuses on Mary. What this does is allow one to identify with Mary and try to become more like her. This is the point of saying, over and over, "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you." This is the angel's greeting to Mary, and brings to mind her response: "Behold the Lord's handmaiden; be it unto me according to thy word." This is the most perfect response to God in human history (excluding Christ, naturally). This is what all creation should say to God. Looking at the events of Christ's life through the eyes of Mary allows the person praying to learn to respond to God in perfect faith as she did. When praying the rosary, I find myself becoming more open to God, more willing to do what He asks, and more able to find joy in whatever He sends.

So hopefully I didn't offend anyone with this post. Comments are welcome, as long as they are not virulent anti-Catholic or anti-liturgy posts.

yeah yeah, it's been awhile since I posted. But coming soon....

the return of the fashion blog!
A link to eBay to buy my stuff
Actual news about me

Last night I went to my church, and for the first time, prayed the Stations of the Cross. I'd been meaning to for years, but for most of those years, I didn't have independent transportation, and for the other years, simply forgot what day it was on.

But this last Sunday, it was announced from the pulpit, and the congregation urged to get more involved. So I made up my mind to go. (Now, those of you who know me, know that I get nervous when I go to most churches, and when I go to mine at an unusual time) I was kinda scared going in, especially when I saw that I was the only one there, apart from the guy who was leading the devotions.

But this is the thing about sacramental liturgies: when you're in the service, you can step into eternity. You often simply do not notice the passage of time. That's how it was for me.

I remember growing up, and watching everyone get ready for Easter, with only a passing reference to Good Friday (let me state here that this was the general culture: my family was generally more balanced, and taught about both Good Friday and Easter together). We shunned Catholic crucifixes because Jesus, in fact, had risen and should not be pictured as still hanging on the cross. How much worse, then, to turn every Friday into a small remembrance of that Friday? Many liturgical persons do not eat meat on Friday(except during Easter, when there are NO fasts of any kind), and do extra devotions on that day.

Yes, Christ rose, and is the glorious, reigning King. But He did die, in pain and blood and sweat and tears and dirt. This must not be forgotten. The price paid must be remembered, until we drink of Lethe and pass into eternity, where the only remembrance of the cost is that it showed the glory and grace of God.

Selah.

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.

So I've been watching Fruits Basket again....I love Fruits Basket. I'd love it even if I didn't like anime. It's so.....good. In a moral sense, even. It's just plain good, and shows the power of plain, simple, even simplistic goodness.

*sigh* I like Fruits Basket....

What in the world?

Why do I suddenly like (SOME) country music? I've never liked country music, unless you count John Denver which nobody does. So why do I like it now?

What's up with that?

Curretn favorites: Sold, by John Michael Montgomery; Good Ride Cowboy, by Garth Brooks; My Give a Damn's Busted by JoDee Messina (FUNNY song!), Big Blue Note by Toby Keith, and Nothin' to Lose by Josh Gracin.

ANNOUNCING:

The launch of Modestinique, a new line of modest clothing for the artistically minded woman.

Email any inquiries to modestinique@yahoo.com

Oh yeah baby.

NaNoWriMo


It's November 1st. I'm already 500 words over my minimum for the day. I'm only working part-time....


BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your a pie! Congratulations!


Are guys attracted to you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Best quiz result EVER! I actually feel a little bit better now! I am a pie! Ha! :)

You're perfect guy is an romantic guy who will kiss
you and hug you as much as he can ! ( me: ^-^)


Who's You're perfect guy? - girls only!- - With beautifull anime pics!-
brought to you by Quizilla


Uh.....Liz, Rachel, Andrea, Marcy....Should I be worried that the quiz thinks that Haru is my perfect guy?

Dang......This one has my current mood totally and completely NAILED.


Dominant Personality: Disappointment

Good Traits: You know what rejection feels
like, and are truthful with people.

Bad Traits: You're very pessimistic. It
seems like everything's gone wrong with your
life, so you've given up.

People see you as: Depressed, lonely, and
unenthusiastic. People walk right by you and
occassionally walk all over you. You let
yourself get pushed around and always blame
yourself.

You're Most Like: Regret. You think that
everything is going to turn out all wrong. You
have to take matters into your own hands.
Unlike regret, you don't constantly dwell on
the past, but dread the future.

You Need More: Calm. Don't associate with
promise-breakers, and a large group of people.
Seek out people who understand where you're
coming from.


What's your dominant trait? (10 unique results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok, some of these pictures aren't showing up, but they are really gorgeous images. Go take the quizzes and see for yourself.

And yes, I am doing this because I'm very depressed and bored. Quizilla is good in times like that.

I do not know what you are... You are just a
shadow with beautiful emerald eyes when I look
at you. You're mysterious. You sort of hide
from others and don't trust so many people. You
immediately turn into a shadow when someone
turns around to see you. All they see is your
beautiful eyes in a sheet of black. People
don't know a lot about you at all! You are
quiet and your feelings are usually hard to
tell. You are very secretive, shy and aren't
around with too many creatures. There aren't a
lot of creatures like you in fact! No one has
seen you in your true form. People always guess
about who you are and no matter what they say,
you don't care... you just stand there...
unaffected by insults or even compliments by
other whispering people. You like yourself that
way... or do you?

You're so mysterious so you mysteriously get this
mysterious result and mysteriously rate 5 and
message mysteriously!


Deep inside you, there's a creature trying to get out... What is it??? (Beauitful anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your anime girl has purple hair and purple eyes.You
are mistreated because of your demon side.


What does your anime girl look like?(girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

Surprisingly cool for such a short quiz...

MINSTREL

You are the Minstrel, the
artistic and introspective personalitys in
fantasy. Minstrels can range from court bards
to wandering performers willing to play their
instruments or sing in any inn they come upon
just to earn some money. Minstrels are very
creative and are naturally artistic. They are
often deep, quiet, and philosophical. Their
thoughts and ideas can be very profound.
Minstrels usually have a way with words or
music. These artists see the beauty around us
or delve within themselves and produce
something new that is truly
wonderful.

Color: Azure
Animal:
Horse
Gem: Sapphire
Symbol:
Harp

Image:
http://www.deviantart.com/view/7352128/


Who would you be if you were a character in an epic fantasy? (beautiful pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla



SAGE

You are the Sage, the mysterious
wise one or shaman. Sages dedicate their lives
to the pursuit of knowledge. They are very wise
and are good with philosophy and theology. They
make good teachers, counselors, and
advisors.

Color: Gold
Animal:
Raven
Gem: Topaz
Symbol:
Pen

Image:
http://www.deviantart.com/view/5258606/


Who would you be if you were a character in an epic fantasy? (beautiful pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/SU/SUG/sugarandspice69/1129756345_ebetterone.jpg"
border="0"
alt="HASH(0x859866c)">
You have a
beautiful personality but you can get taken for
granted. Do what you want to do instead of what
over people say! Your prpbabley someone who
likes light colours like baby blue, light pink
and you know what else


Is you personality beautiful?
brought to you by Quizilla

You have a wierd personality. it is in no way ugly
but you need to help out more and be
kinder.Mind you people probabley love you for
who you are so i wouldnt change because some
stupid quiz told you to. you probabley like
dark mysterious colours like purple.


Is you personality beautiful?
brought to you by Quizilla

your Beauty is natural.you dont have to go out of
your way to make people like you, they just
do.your kind and caring and others love that
about you


what Beauty do you hold?(with anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Proverbs.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

your soul is lonely. you dont like spending time
with others but even though you wont admite it
you often do wont to be with the a group of
close friends but you just cant find the
courage to open up. maybe something bad
happened to you before and you still cant get
over it.


what soul do you have? ( Gorgeous anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Despite the Engrish of this quiz, it's actually pretty cool.

Andrea would be the adventurous soul: the picture even looks like her room!

Aeryn


What would your Celtic name be? (girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are unique.Your dress stands out.Nobody has the
same dress as you.Not even close.


What Is Your Ideal Dress? (Pics And Lots Of Results)
brought to you by Quizilla


Be sure to look at all possible results on this. Particularly Liz, who will love it. :)

RAVEN EYES

You have Raven
Eyes!
Positive Traits: Intellectual,
Wise, Experienced, Honest,
Trustworthy
Negative Traits: Pompous,
Condescending, Withdrawn, Pessimistic,
Depressed

Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by

Tuesday, October 25

Sometimes it just feels like life is Kobeyashi Maru.

It Begins


I bought a sewing machine today! It's a lovely little Singer, that doesn't do much beyond your basic stitches, but it looks nice. It will do buttonholes and a few docrative topstitches. It cost me about $100; I'm hoping it will be a good investment!

So....Yes, I am now making skirts, hats, and scarves to sell!! They are classy, modest, and artistic, and also completely unlike anything you usually get in a store! If anybody wants to order from me, let me know!

Long Time No See

Yeah yeah yeah, I know. But blogging is not fun from a public computer. Bleh.

Not much going on these days, just part time work and trying to start up a small business. And let me tell you, NOTHING makes you more against big government than trying to start a business!!!

But yeah, I'm going to start trying to sell the skirts I make through eBay. Hopefully there's a market for them. So if you know any Long Skirt Girls who don't want to wear the "little house on the prairie" style of skirt, please direct them to me, and I will sell them a very cool skirt.

New group blog!

www.churchbridge.blogspot.com

Preliminary thoughts on Serenity

1. It is rare for me to see a movie that disturbs me, makes me laugh, makes me cry, and makes me think, all at once.

2. It is even rarer for this sort of movie to be one based on a TV show.

3. Serenity may be the best movie to come out this year (until Narnia!), but there a lot of people who should not see it. It is rated PG-13 for a very good reason. There is a lot of violence, and some very disturbing images.

4. Serenity is really really really cool. And I'm glad that I went to see it with friends who were not ashamed to be see with me in my Serenity-style coat.

serenity1

serenity1
Originally uploaded by LostLuthien.

IT'S HERE

GREAT BOOK

Attention all ladies: There is a book you must read--it's A Return to Modesty, by Wendy Shalit. It should be available at most libraries.

Re-Reading Dante

I got inspired the other night at the church book discussion, and went out and started re-reading Dante.

I MISSED SO MUCH the first time through!!!

My margins are now almost filled with notes, and I was able to track some very interesting things: 1. motion, 2. the relationship between Dante and Virgil, and 3. the times when someone looks upwards. Very interesting things there! Next time I'm going to track: 1. when Dante steps out to speak to a soul, and why, and what Virgil's response is, and 2. when music is present.

So far I still like reading the Sayers translation, even though it can be awkward, because I know that she's sacrficing style and readability for philosophical accuracy. I read Inferno in the Pinsky translation, and liked it a lot; he mentioned in his notes that he was going more for the feel of Dante. So I'm trying to get the best of both worlds.

And now I cry anytime I hear Loreena McKennitt sing "Dante's Prayer"

hat

hat
Originally uploaded by LostLuthien.

I really like this one, too.

viewphoto

viewphoto
Originally uploaded by LostLuthien.

See, I'm not camera shy ALL the time...just any times when I don't have something to hide behind....

SO MUCH BETTER

Why?

Because I went to a book discussion group last night. It was a gathering of some of the coolest people from my church, and we all discussed the first 14 cantos of Dante's Inferno.

It felt SO GOOD to be discussing a hard book again! It wasn't particularly intense; sort of like yoga for the mind. Stretches you a bit, but there's no danger of overexerting yourself.

Plus, to be there with these wonderful people, being able to open up to one another, and talk in literary, historical, theological, and artistic terms...Ah! It was great!!

I love my church. Where else could I be accepted as an artist, challenged to be as orthodox as possible, and discuss Dante, all in one night?

You ever get so frustrated that you just want to spend about 15 minutes swearing loudly?

1. My temp agency is not open during any hours that I am off work to pick up my paycheck.

2. So they mailed it to me.

3. The mail gets to my house about 3pm on Saturdays.

4. My bank closes at 2pm

5. My bank is not open during any hours when I am off work.

6. I have checks, but no-one will take them because my driver's license is out of state.


Conclusion: I'm screwed, money-wise, for another week.

Coming soon:

Pictures!!

Yes, I actually allowed my friend Andrea to take pictures of me. I will be posting the good ones on here soon.

Please please please someone comment on my stories! I want to put them together into a book, and I need comments!

Ok, so I've decided to go ahead and post this one...Please give me your comments on it; so far, most of the people who've read it have cried, which is interesting. I'm less sure of myself on this one, but I think it's a better story than the first one. --Joi

Story II:

So many here now, so many children saved from darkness into light. I still wait for them at the gates: many think that a grand, white-bearded man guards the gates, but it is only my husband and myself. We wait for ourchildren to arrive, and now, instead of grieving for those who join us, we rejoice, and welcome them with tears of joy. But still...before, in the shadows, all of our children came, and if we grieved for their presence, at least we saw them. But now we see only some: we are told that the others fall into shadow still.

I do not weep for them: I understand that children must be free to choose. But oh, is there a mother whose heart is not pierced when her children choose their own destruction?

And one day--though all times are one--the last of my children came. I welcomed them with open arms and tears of joy--these I am free to weep over-- and my husband and I begged their pardon. All was joy and gladness, and yet...I still thought of the ones--my babies!--still in shadow.

Then I was called. "The Mother awaits you in the Garden," I was told. But how can this be, since I am The Mother, and the Garden was forever closed to me? But here, to be asked is to do, and so I came to the Garden Wall. He still stood there, sword aflame, but now the fire purified and gave life instead of taking it away.

I entered, still dripping flame perhaps, and sought her in the cool of the day. She stood there between the trees, and I came before my Queen, bowing. "My Lady, " I said. Her hand caressed my once-withered cheek, and drew my face up to meet hers. She kissed me on both cheeks, throwing her blue-robed arms around my neck. "Welcome, dearest Mother and Daughter! Enter into your happiness!"

I looked at her, knowing her to be one of my children--after all, they all are. But in her eyes, I saw the Son, and knew her to be my Mother, as well as Daughter. Laughter, the laughter that spills out from extravagant grace, welled up in me. "Blessed are we among women, for we are both Daughter and Mother!"We laughed together, the stars in her crown twinkling merrily. "And all generations shall call us blessed, dear one."

She pulled my head onto her shoulder, and placed an arm around me, much as I had done to comfort my sons when they were small. "I know you,Mother-Daughter," she said, "for we have much the same heart." She pulled back a fold of blue, revealing a heart pierced with seven wounds as red as rubies, and shining with the rays of the sun--no, brighter than the sun's rays. "Dearest Mother-Daughter, I too have had a child who willed Himself to destruction. He went like a lamb to the slaughter, setting His heart towards death."

A tear like a crystal ocean fell onto her robe, andanother splashed my own cheek, and I tasted its sweetness. "I held the body of my Son, his blood staining my clothes deepest red. And it is through that body and that blood that you and your children have been freed." I remembered the body and blood of my son, of all my sons, and wept tears to match hers. But here, any tear that can be wept is one born of grace and joy, and such were ours. "And another gracious mystery is here, dear one," she whispered in my ear."Through that body and that blood, you and I are not onlyMother-Daughter." I looked up and saw her eyes sparkling like stars. "My Son has brought all into His family, and we are all children of His Father." I saw, and we fell into each other's embrace, whispering: "Sister!"

Copyright 2005. Elizabeth J. Weaver

Ok, so I had an idea for a book, of sorts. Not a single storyline, but lots of storylines together. Anyone who knows my love of short stories will not be surprised by this. :)

Here's the first in the series. I have another one, but I'm waiting for some critiques on it before I post it anywhere public.

Eve: Story I

They say that there are some mothers who do not--even cannot-- love their children. Perhaps they are right, but I cannot fathom it. I am a mother, The Mother, and I love all my children. I watch them, every single one, as they enter here. Some see me, and wonder about the Grey One, who watches from the shadows, and wonder for whom she is searching, for whom she weeps.

But ah, I weep for all my sons, all my daughters. Not because I have lost them: oh no, if they had escaped me, I should be glad. But one by one, all join me here. And it is not grief enough that they join me in the shadows, but I must know that I brought them here. Brought them into life, and sealed their fate, to end here.

Oh, but I cannot help loving them, even the worst, the most rebellious. See that one? He killed his brother, then ran from home. This one was a prostitute, and brought her city to ruin. He, the lovely one over there, he did not love his own wife, slept with the wife of another man, then had that man killed. Yet, in spite of that, his heart was pure. My boy, my beautiful boy.

Yet, for all that I love them, all of them have broken my heart. I am sometimes amazed that it is still so prone to pain. After all, it must be in so many pieces by now that there is nothing left to break! But perhaps it is only justice: after all, it is I who broke their hearts, their souls, their bodies. Mea culpa, domine, mea culpa!

But one day--though all time is one here--there came one...my son, my beautiful son, though all my sons are beautiful to me. And though he was only one of many who noted my tears, he did not pass by in puzzlement, but stopped. He was shrouded, as they all are, in grey cloth and ashes. But as he neared, his eyes caught my own...I remember my first glimpse of the young sun, leaping up the sky for joy. My eyes were innocent then, and could behold his glory. but even the gold of the king of the heavens could not match the golden heat in the eyes of my son. I could not look away and could not but be consumed by his gaze.

I felt the rough cloth of his shroud wiping the constant tears from ym eyes, and a whisper: " Peace, Mother, I have come for you. Now is not my time, I must conquer first. Peace, Mother, and wait." I did not see him leave--my eyes were full of light and I saw nothing, not even shadows. So I waited.

Two days after--though all times are one--I heard a roar like none I had ever heard. One dead and clothed in the shroud of death had entered into the deepest shhadow, and there revealed himself to be a living man. Heavy with life, he was, and the light of him cast all else into shadow.

He split the depths, and came out a conqueror, his shroud turned into a banner of vistory. And he came, leading my husband by the hand, and our children--my babies!-- following behind. He saw me there, waiting for him, and smiled. "Woman," he said, "Now is my time. Come forth, for the Son calls you into the light."

I took the hand of my son, my beautiful boy who had escaped the Mother's curse, and stepped forth with him, blinking back tears at the light in my eyes.

Feeling better

Probably due to spending Sunday with 3 of my best friends. thanks guys!

DESOLATE

I finally came up with the perfect word to describe how I feel right now. "Depressed" is the wrong word: too emotional, and I'm emotionally drained. "Empty" is too simplistic. Desolate is just exactly right.

(BTW, to any family members reading this: NO, I don't want to talk about it.)

I was born a giving person. I always have been. But what do you do when what you have to give is not wanted, and every time you open your heart up, it gets thrown back in your face? If I don't give, I wither away, because it's part of who I am. But I'm tired of being hurt unproductively (I can take productive hurt all day long) every time I try.

This one is FRIGHTENINGLY ACCURATE:

Your Birthdate: July 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

A Live Coal in the Sea

I have been a fan of Madeleine L'Engle's since the moment I read the first sentence of Wrinkle in Time ("It was a dark and stormy night."), when I was about 10. I have read almost every book of hers I could get my hands on, and she has influenced my life and thought more than probably any other author.

So, when I was browsing in the library, and saw A Live Coal in the Sea, I decided to check it out. I was delighted to find, from reading the inner flap, that it concerned Camilla Dickinson, the heroine of an earlier L'engle book (Camilla: and be sure to read Camilla before Live Coal: otherwise the characters are a little harder to get used to. Camilla is a short, easy read). I began reading the book one night, thinking to start it and read until I got sleepy, then finish it in the morning.

I finished it, wiping away tears, at 2:30 am.

L'Engle is a powerful writer, but she is rarely in such amazing form. I don't think I have ever seen a clearer portrait of the grief that one person's selfishness and sin can cause to a family over several generations, nor a clearer picture of the grace and mercy of God in transforming such a situation.

The title comes from a quote from a source whose name I do not remember: “All the evil that man has ever conceived or done is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal to the sea.”

Selah.

UGH.

Out of job leads. Out of money. In debt up to my ears. Got phone bill to pay. Didn't get much back from safety deposit on old apartment. And grandma is expecting me to start school again and move out in the fall.

I hate this.

STING - Brand new day - Front

STING - Brand new day - Front
Originally uploaded by LostLuthien.

Watching Music Videos at Work


Hooray for little free music video sites that let me listen to musc at work!

However, I've discovered that for some videos, I just have to stop work and watch. 2 in particular:

1. enya's Carribbean Blue. Just a lovely video.

2. Sting's "Desert Rose" because Sting is really hot. And I don't normally say that. But he is. Check out the posted photo for proof of this fact.

Yep.


Just a random thought.

The Most Discouraging Thing in the World:

Going home after a day of staring at the computer screen in your temp job, realizing that your apartment has lost any sense of "home," eating week-old leftovers for dinner with only your former roommate's sleepy hamster for company. Then add packing up all your stuff even though you really have nowhere to go, and the radio starting to play U2's "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own."

Yeah. It's been a great day.

Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff You’re telling me and anyone You’re hard enough You don’t have to put up a fight You don’t have to always be right Let me take some of the punches For you tonight Listen to me now I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone Sometimes you can’t make it on your own We fight all the time You and I… that’s alright We’re the same soul I don’t need… I don’t need to hear you say That if we weren’t so alike You’d like me a whole lot more Listen to me now I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone Sometimes you can’t make it on your own I know that we don’t talk I’m sick of it all Can - you - hear - me – when – I - Sing, you’re the reason I sing You’re the reason why the opera is in me… Where are we now? I’ve got to let you know A house still doesn’t make a home Don’t leave me here alone... And it’s you when I look in the mirror And it’s you that makes it hard to let go Sometimes you can’t make it on your own Sometimes you can’t make it The best you can do is to fake it Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

Job interview tomorrow (Monday)!!!!!!!!!

Please pray that it goes well: I really really REALLY want this job!!!!

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 86% Neo orthodox 82% Roman Catholic 79% Fundamentalist 54% Emergent/Postmodern 46% Reformed Evangelical 36% Classical Liberal 29% Charismatic/Pentecostal 25% Modern Liberal 18% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com I find it funny that those three are my top scores....I mean, Wesleyan, Orthodox, and Catholic? That's funny.

Memorial Day

My Memorial Day was great. Very ordinary, but lots of fun. Got a call from a friend at 9am to join him at Denny's for coffee and ice cream, so I hopped in the car and got there around 10. We chatted for awhile, simply being silly, then headed back to his house and played with the cat for a few minutes and watered the yard before hanging out by the pool for several hours. Eventually we managed to pry ourselves away long enough to head to the grocery store where we bought a feast: hot dog buns, weiners, and chipotyle mustard. We went back to lounging around the pool for awhile longer, waiting for the grill to heat up, and ate lunch around 4. We finally went inside, because I got sunburned rather badly, and talked there for awhile. Went back outside to watch the sunset, played guitar, and talked. Watched the stars come out till about 10:30. Saw a shooting star, a satellite, and what might have been a military aircraft. Both got sleepy, so I went home around 10:45.

Very nice ordinary relaxing day. Thanks be to God for good friends!

Cool blog I've just started reading: www.fixed-intent.blogspot.com

Informationi

Joi Weaver is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Stolen from Liz's blog, who stole it from K. White, who stole it from.....You get the idea. I also stole some of the answers from Liz because they were good answers, and I'm just lazy like that.

100 questions

1. Full Name: If you don't know this, and you're reading my blog, I'm not telling you
2. Nick name: Joi, Joy-to-the-Weaver, Joyful, Hey You
4. Place of Birth: Fort Worth, Texas
5. Zodiac Sign: Cancer
6. Male or Female: guess
7. Grade: A
8. School: Biola
9. Occupation: cashier, research assistant, librarian
10. Location: Los Angeles, baby!
11. Screen Names: B8tsyJoi, tinidril_of_perelandra, Lone Jedi

__YOUR APPEARANCE___
12. Hair Color: um..hair-colored hair...Not sure what you'd call this.
13. Hair Length: almost to my waist. Woo! Just a few more feet to go!
14. Eye Color: Even my optometrist cannot answer this. Grayish-greenish-blue.
15. What eye color would you want: purple. But I'm kinda starting to really like the current color of my eyes.
16. Height: 5'6"?
17. What height would you rather be: I like my height, actually. I can reach most top shelves, but most guys are still taller than me. A happy medium.
18. Shoe Size: What are these "shoes" of which you speak?
19. Braces: nope
20. Glasses: When I'm not wearing my contacts
21. Piercings: ears
22. Tattoos: I have an allergy to metal, and possibly to ink as well. Not going to risk it. Besides, I'd get bored with an unchangeable design. It's all about the henna, baby.
23. Righty or Lefty: Mostly righty, but my left hand is pretty talented.

___YOUR FiRSTS___
24. What was the question? I don't know, but I'm sure the answer was 42!
((Where did question 25 go?))
26. First best friend: Probably the kid next door in Ft. Worth. I've forgotten his name...Shane, I think?
27. First Award: For best Bible memory, in VBS, when I was about 5. Wow. That was a while back.
28. First Sport You Joined: archery
29. First Pet: a very tolerant black and white cat
30. First Vacation: not a clue.
31. First Concert: Oh gosh, do I have to admit it? Carman. Yeah. Well, depends on what kind of concert you mean. Our town sponsored Community Concerts with unknown artists, and I went to lots of those as a kid.
32. First Love: see #26.

___ FAVORITES___
33. Movie: I can't pick just one!!! But if I had to....yeesh...Maybe Lord of the Rings? Maybe?
34. TV Show: Tough call between Firefly, Babylon 5, Futurama, the Simpsons, King of the Hill, Stargate, and Alias.
35. Color: the richest purple imaginable
36. Bands: Five Iron Frenzy, Leftover Salmon, Nickelback, Horustorus, getting to like Blind Guardian
37. Song: ?? Just one?? not a chance. (current favorite might be We Used to Be Friends, by the Dandy Warhols)
38. Food: dunno
39. Drink: dunno
40. Candy: yeesh, specializaton is for insects! Vive Variety!
41. Sport To Play: archery
42. Sport To Watch: baseball
43. Brand Of Clothing: Joi Weaver originals
44. Store: Art Supply Warehouse. Or Borders. Or Savers
45. School Subject: depends on the specific class and the teacher. Torrey in general, I guess...Classics.
46. Animal: Dragon and unicorn!
47. Book: Not a chance in hell of me picking just one. Not even within a genre. Not even a favorite genre!

___CURRENTLY___

49. Eating: Nothing. The librarians would shoot me.
50. Drinking: Nothing. See above.
51. Typing: umm........
53. Listening To: Joy to the World, by Three Dog Night ( *busts out singing* "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!")
54. Thinking About: Um...How many skips I have left on Launchcast radio at the moment....
55. Wanting To: SLEEP
56. Watching: my cursor move across the screen as I type this
57. Wearing: Don't you wish you knew! (Black tank top, black "goth sleeves", long green swishy skirt made from a tablecloth, black slip-on shoes, burgundy squashy hat)

___YOUR FUTURE___

58. Want Kids: maybe
59. Want to Get Married: I'm fine with either getting married or being single
60. Careers in Mind: research assistant


__WHiCH iS BETTER WiTH THE OPPOSiTE SEX___

67. Cute or Sexy: Cute.
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: Again, what's with this having to choose??
70. Short or Tall: Tall. Short people have WAY too much energy
71. Easygoing or serious: both
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Yes
73. Fatty or Skinny: I don't much care, but I seem to fall for skinny geeks quite a bit.
74. Sensitive or Loud: Who says the two are mutually exclusive?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: caring
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Both.


___HAVE YOU EVER___

78. Kissed a Stranger: no
79. Drank Alcohol: yes
80. Smoked: nope
81. Ran Away From Home: nope
82. Broken a Bone: no
83. Got an X-ray: several times, for my teeth
84. Broke Up With Someone: no
85. Broken Someone's Heart: not that I know of
86. Turned Someone Down: nope
87. Cried When Someone Died: I think so....
88. Cried At School: yes


___DO YOU BELIEVE IN___

89. God: yes
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love At First Sight: that's a little more complex...I think so...
92. Ghosts: Sort of
93. Aliens: Yes, actually.
94. Soul Mates: um...not sure...lots of little red Symposium flags go up when I hear the term....
95. Heaven: yes
96. Hell: yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: ???? How is this a thing to believe in????
99. Horoscopes: nope, but they're a hoot to read!

___ANSWER TRUTHFULLY___

100. Is There Someone You Want Right Now But Cant Have? Um...Don't know about "can't," per se.....

The Wolf Spirit You scored 730 Spirit!

You are a Wolf Spirit. You feel you are connected with the cosmos, and are fascinated by the moon. You are very agile. Wolf spirits have a lot of friends, and are very smart.

And here we go again...

Yeah, still dealing with my friends leaving. Some days I do ok with it, some days not so much so. But it was a good bit of comfort to discuss it with my spiritual director the other day. While talking with her, I finally grew convinced of something. Even now, it seems weird and prideful to say this, but I think it's true.

I used to think that I shouldn't have abandonment issues, since my parents never divorced and my mom stayed at home with myself and my sister. Usually it's kids whose parents have split up or worked constantly that have these issues, so I've always assumed I was just kidding myself. But maybe it's healthy to admit that I have these issues, rather than continually denying them, assuming that I shouldn't have them. If I have these issues, then they're there, regardless of how they got there.

I am so tired of friends leaving. They always leave. When I was little, all my friends moved away from Fort Worth; I was the last one to leave. We moved to Hereford, and went to First Baptist church there. I made friends and enjoyed it. Then we started going to another church, and I didn't see my friends after that. My best friend, the pastor's daughter, never spoke to me again. After a few years at the other church, we switched back, and I began to make friends again. The previous church had been terrible, and I was horribly lonely. The youth pastor and his wife at FBC were wonderful people, and did a lot to make me feel welcome. Then, just over a year after moving back to that church, we moved to Dumas, and I lost all my friends over again. I never made too many friends in Dumas, I was too odd, and wasn't particularly acceptable. Of the friends I did make, I rarely speak to any of them.

I came to college and made a new group of friends. Who, for some reason, decided to stop talking to me and including me about 2 years later. So I made another group of friends. Who stabbed me in the back, and decided that I wasn't worth talking to when I wasn't of any use. So I moved to another group of friends, who are all now leaving. They say they'll stay in contact, but I have my doubts. Actually, the doubts are all I have. I simply don't believe that it's true. I've seen what happens to college friendships when you no longer live close by: the other person becomes just a name on a mass-produced Christmas letter that you get in February. If they're an especially good friend, you might see a little hand-written note at the bottom of the mass-produced letter.

Bitter? Yeah, a little. I think what gets to me the most is this: In Torrey, one of the big focuses is community. So everybody learns the importance of community, and blathers about it nonstop, about how they're going to build community in the areas they move to...But no-one stays to preserve the community here. I'm not saying that everyone has to stay--that would be a bit counter-productive. But it seems like no-one stays. And I know that my priorities are different from other people's: the other day, one of my friends mentioned that there's nothing for her here anymore, except church and a few friends. Church and a few friends are my main reasons for staying here, so that reply caught me a little off-guard.

And this post is now far too long, so I'll stop here.

Wow, I'm...agitated today. Having trouble sitting still. Hmmm........

More reason for me to find a good job SOON


I have just been invited to spend a week in New York discussing a Plato dialogue with one of the world's most eminent Plato scholars...I REALLY wanna go! It would only cost $250 for airfare, plus a little bit of food. With a job, no problem. Without a job, not gonna happen.

PLEASE pray that my job situation gets settled soon!

Good news on the way?

Maybe....

Got a lead on a great job that's similar to what I do now, which would leave me with the flexible hours to attend mid-week Mass. Woo!

And another REALLY happy thing happened. But I'm not going to blog about that one....yet. Ha!